LOST: Week 4

I got some random other topics on here before getting to the LOST episode. I figure, why not throw some other thoughts in here. So if you don't wanna read about LOST, but you wanna read about podcasts or the Miracle on Ice, then come on down!

I was listening today to the LOST podcast with Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. Pretty funny stuff. They've been doing the podcast for some time now, but I would never listen to it because I didn't do podcasts... until this summer. And then I got into all sorts of podcasts, like a fiend! If you haven't ever checked out any podcasts, I highly recommend it. It's like talk radio at its best, only it's even better because there are some awesome programs that aren't on radio, like the LOST podcast, for example.

You can find all kinds of podcasts for various interests. Sports podcasts, TV shows, political, music, spiritual/religious, comedic, news, etc. Way better than just listening to music all the time. Trust me. It's great stuff.

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The U.S.-Canada hockey game was awesome, but hopefully Canada won't get vengeance in some way, like how Japan did to South Korea in the World Baseball Classic. That sucked. The talk about the Miracle on Ice, with the Canada game being a much lighter version of it and with the Miracle's anniversary was also really cool. The Miracle of Ice is so incredible that a good movie was made about it even though everyone knows what happens and it was only 30 years ago.

Here's what I'm wondering. How awesome would it be to watch the movie "Miracle" without knowing what was gonna happen? Like, say you showed the movie to a kid, without the kid knowing anything about it. They would see the Americans getting owned by the Soviets in the scrimmage, the team not being so great, how amazing the Soviet Union is, and then WOW the U.S. wins! How fun would that be? That would be crazy. Unless, of course, the smart-aleck kid saw that the title of the movie was "Miracle" and assume that USA would win. Whatever, smart-aleck hypothetical kid.

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Now, to talk about LOST. And SPOILER ALERT TO ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN THIS WEEK'S EPISODE.

A young Jack in the first picture. Party of Five in the house! I don't even remember much at all about that show, but I remember watching some episodes from it, and I remember when LOST came out, and I was like, that's the dude from Party of Five. Anyway, Jack asking his mom about his appendix, the mark on his neck, the meeting with Desmond on the airplane where he asks if he's met him before, all this, at least to me, makes me think that there had to be some kind of switch or something that happened because of the Oceanic 815 flight. Something triggered inside the passengers. It's only a matter of time before they put the pieces together, I think. Maybe you already figured that out. I just like seeing more evidence towards it. Then, we find out that Jack has a son. Holy crap! Holy crap! Whaaaaaaa. Unlike Locke and Helen, where we at least had some context, this is a total surprise. And I am intrigued, ladies and gentlemen. I am very intrigued.

I'm amused at how they won't say Claire's name when they're talking about her. Jack asks them who else got infected, and they say "your sister". Sayid asks Jack who else was infected, and Lost does its typical pause and wait for the person to almost say it before switching to what they're talking about. She-who-must-not-be-named! Clairedemort!

A Hurly-centric plot gives us wonderful pop culture lines, like "I just lied to a samurai" (and the guy who plays Dogen was a samurai in The Last Samurai!) or Jacob "turns up whenever he wants. Like Obi-Wan Kenobi."

In the whole love triangle category, we have the Jack and Kate exchange along the creek, and Kate telling Jack "I hope you find what you're looking for." And right after she says that, Jack has this long, gazing look deep into her eyes. Romantic longing!

Claire's craziness is interesting. I was glad to see the Other alive still, because he seemed like a decent guy, but man, she just straight up executes that dude. No messing. Speaking of Claire though, did you know that only she and Jack were on the EW cover (http://www.ew.com/ew/inside/issue/0,,ewTax:1091,00.html)? And yeah, I just don't feel like writing their real names.

I love how they use Hurley as a mouthpiece for what fans are thinking. Like how he was confused about time travel last year. And this episode, with him wondering if the bodies in the caves are actually them, having died in the past, just like fans theorize with Adam and Eve. Then, when he and Jack are in the forest and he talks about how this is like old times when they were in the forest and were doing something for reasons they didn't quite understand why.

Dogen in the real world. Fascinating. So how long was he on the Island for in the Island timeline? Does this mean he's not like Richard Alpert, timeless and from a long age ago? Is Alpert in the real world in the LAX timeline? Also, what the heck is up with Dogen's son asking Jack if David's his son? Besides that being the truth, that doesn't seem like a logical guess at all. Jack came near the end of David's performance, and Jack's standing in the back like a random dude. I chalk that up to lame scriptmaking or Dogen's son being a weird kid who asks random guys if they're some kid's daddy.

When Jack smashed the lighthouse glass, I was pretty frustrated with Jack, honestly, but then Jacob's all like "No I kinda wanted him to do that", so mark that up to Jack being awesome yet again. At this point I'll note that this whole episode was action-packed, and the pace was good, and I really enjoyed it. Yet again though, still really confused about what Jacob wants from Jack, what's going on in general, etc. But answers will come. Oh they'll get there.

I was confused with Jin's reasoning in lying to Claire. Is he trying to mainly protect Kate in that case? Or is he just wanting to get back to the Temple somehow so that he can get away from crazy Claire? Claire says Fake Locke is her "friend", and she doesn't think it's Locke. What does that mean? Who does she see? The Man In Black's true form?

Who's coming to the Island? Widmore? That would be my best guess and the one I would find most intriguing. Although I wouldn't guess that Jacob and Widmore are on the same side.

Some random notes:

-There's a Season 1 reference again with Jack telling Hurley how he really found the caves.

-I thought Jack was gonna use the rabbit to smash a window in or something. Kinda like how he knocked the Lighthouse door down.

-Oh shiz, Claire's gonna try to kill Kate this season.

Is The Middle or Cougartown funny? Just curious. Never seen an episode of either.

LOST: Week 3

I should note that after these episodes, I'm pretty confused and sometimes not sure about the cohesion of these notes. Still, I'll try to offer a rapid reaction to what I saw. Think of my entries as quick thoughts after episodes to ponder and debate. It's kind of like the Rapid Reactions that NFL blogs would have on ESPN.com after games (uh...yeah...you know what I mean, right?). Then, you can delve into other websites for the longer features and theories. That's what I'll be doing too. I hope to be responsive to comments this week; last week I kinda slacked off in that area.

Still, here are some thoughts I typed up before watching the episode. The focus is on John Locke today, supposedly, and man, what a character? Personally, Locke's another character that I have mixed feelings about. He's done a lot of things in the past that have really irked me, like blow up the submarine, or throw the knife into Naomi's back, or join the Others kinda, and just be kind of crazy at times. He almost got Desmond/Charlie/Mr. Eko killed with his Hatch gambit, he got Boone killed, dude's crazy!

Yet, he's so damn tragic, from his father hurting him in so many ways, to his miserable life before the island, to the way Ben toyed with him so many times before murdering him. He also was such a hopeful guy on the island too, so impressed with the magic of the place. And, like I imagine you might have felt, the realization from the season 5 finale that he wasn't resurrected on the Island was just so depressing. He's dead? Cause Ben murdered him after he decided not to hang himself? That's the miserable end to his mainly horrible life? Wow. That sucks. (If you ever watch The Wire, you will discover that yes, you can have a lot of favorite characters in a show who won't get happy endings. And it's powerful. And if you think that this is going to be the first of many attempts to randomly incorporate The Wire into a LOST blog entry, you might be right.)

So the question after that was if John Locke would just never earn redemption. If he was simply dead, then maybe the LOST writers were just trying to send a message. Sure, you might dream big, and you might think you're important; but in the end, some of you are just pawns, and you, Locke, were a sad, pathetic pawn. With the Island timeline on its own, it seemed like there was no other way around that. And now, as we all know, there's the LAX timeline, which could somehow eventually, and well, it surely must, connect back to the Island. John Locke will have his redemption in some glorious way. Right? Right? Let's hope so.

Did most of you guys already think this in your mind? Probably. But I wanted to right it all out before watching this episode.

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SPOILER ALERTS FROM HERE ON OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T REALIZED THAT BY NOW THEN MAN YOU GOTTA GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.

This was quite an episode. Locke-centric episodes are certainly among the strongest in the series, with gems like Walkabout and The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham. Terry O'Quinn just brings it. The ending gave us a strong revelation to ponder, and yet, confuse us so much more (it's still early in this season though!). Sawyer and Fake Locke gave us a neat dynamic duo. Richard Alpert acted crazier than he's ever been.

Locke in a wheelchair in a really depressing situation.* Man this is depressing. But wait, a twist! Of course. It's like one of those moments where it's like, this couldn't get any more depressing, because it actually isn't. A sometimes-used, clever TV gimmick.

The return of Helen brings some confusing questions into play...which is sort of inevitable with this Back to the Future 2 type of timeline. If Locke actually got paralyzed, likely by his father, then he kept going after his father even after Helen told him to stop, and yet they're still together. Although, maybe in this timeline, Helen just came back to him after she left him and decided she loved him so much.

*Remember when mysterious under-utilized guy Matthew Abaddon threatened to push Locke down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that was scary. Matthew Abaddon was played by Lance Reddick, who also played an awesome character, Cedric Daniels in The Wire.

It's a little weird how at ease Sawyer is with dead Locke/Smoke Monster/Man In Black. I guess after all the sci-fi crap you go through, all you can really do is sit there and accept it and roll with it. It seems strange watching it initially, and then you think and go, well.... maybe that's the logical way to react in this WTF situation. Then yeah, it makes sense that Locke is still dead and some other dude is in his body. Yeah. Perfect sense.

Whenever someone new is popping into a scene in the LAX timeline, I always hold my breath expecting it to be someone else (as some of you noted with Claire's adoption potentials last week). This week, when I first heard the voice of the lady interviewing Locke, for some reason I thought "Libby!", probably because of Libby-Hurley. And then Rose pops in. Certainly though, the top cameo went to the intro of Ben as a teacher. Another example making us wonder what this means for the Island after the incident. Ben was...in the temple at that point? So... mark this as another point that the bomb must not have done immediate damage to the Island.

Does anyone think fake Locke actually could be on the good side? I certainly don't want it to be that way, what with the way he mercilessly took over Locke's body and manipulated that whole situation (and he did manipulate Locke going back to the real world, like when he told Richard to go confront Locke after Locke got shot in the leg). Still, what does the Island need to protect itself from? It's not like Man in Black isn't already stuck on this Island. So who would be the other opponent? The only thing I can think of, which kind of confuses me, is Charles Widmore. Widmore's mercenaries in Season 4 were the only real threat that has faced the Island. In the end, it seemed to be that the main goal was to get Benjamin Linus. Still, Locke was told by Christian Shephard to move the Island to save the Island. What does that mean? I mean, of course, who is Christian siding with? Could there be more to Widmore in the future? After all, he was forbidden from the Island. But his game with Ben seems so much less important now, especially with Ben being as confused as anyone on the Island. I still think Jacob is on the good side, and maybe Fake Locke is just doing a good job of manipulating me towards his side right now.

Also, with the scene with Fake Locke and the boy in the jungle, this episode brought back mention of the gamesmanship/rules sort of aspect the show has sometimes shown with Ben/Charles and also with Jacob/Man in Black in the Season 5 finale. And who is the boy? Could it be... yeah I got nothing.

The big revelation this episode was certainly the cave of candidates that Locke showed Sawyer. A couple thoughts. I wish I could offer some crazy brilliant theory to you here, but these are just a couple of pebbles to throw into it. First, did Locke not show Kate in the ceiling, or did I miss that? Cause Jacob definitely interacted with Kate in the finale. Second, Fake Locke crossing out real Locke's name makes me feel more confident that Locke will somehow come back to show up Fake Locke and prove himself worthy of a candidate. Third, I would be more inclined to believe that there isn't a single candidate that Jacob is eliminating himself toward. Rather, a certain combo of this group, whether it be Jack-Kate-Hurley-Locke or something. Why? I just think of the "They're coming" line that Jacob said in the season 5 finale, and I feel like there's something to it.

So that's my rapid reaction to this one. I'm confused, just as I will be perpetually confused throughout the season, especially right after episodes.


"Weirdest damn funeral I've ever been to" - LAPIDUS!

LOST: Week 2

So...this is my first blog of the season. For the most part, I will be writing throughout the episode, and then putting the pieces together after. This might help make the annoying commercial breaks go by all the smoother.

I thought I should give this a try, after seeing other TV show types of blogs and thinking, hey, I would enjoy writing like that. I figured I might as well start with the last season of LOST too, because I don't know the next time there'll be another communal following of a show that I'll experience like this one. (That doesn't mean I think LOST is the best TV show ever. Or my favorite. But that's a story for another time. What's my favorite show? You can check my profile for that answer. All in the game, yo.)

Some warnings: I am publishing this note on facebook because I think that will give the greatest interest in comment replies. At the same time, I know that on Newsfeed and stuff, it'll be easier for spoilers to pop up. I will try not to include any spoilers in the first portions of my notes, since those are previewed. I have a couple requests for any comments:

1. I ask that any comments made are also somewhat cryptic so that people won't really be able to tell what you're talking about if they haven't seen the episode. Good example: What happened at the end of the episode was so crazy! Bad example: if Jack had died in tonight's episode, don't say "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE JACK DIED AND SAWYER TURNED OUT TO BE WALT!". Know what i'm sayinnnnnn'? If this ends up spoiling stuff and people get mad, we can just make this only for my infrequently updated blog (whereyounhappens.blogspot.com).

2. Please don't mention anything about previews or any commercials or things that you hear about. Some people try to avoid such things, and it would be unfortunate for them to see about them here.

If you don't wanna be tagged on future notes, whether it's because you don't wanna be spoiled, aren't keeping track with LOST, or don't care or whatnot, just untag yourself from this note. I'll just retag the people left on this note, along with anyone else who wants to be tagged. Let me know if you wanna be tagged!

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read on if you haven't seen the episode from February 9th.

First, some leftover thoughts from last week:

-Faheem and I agreed that the LAX timeline was more intriguing and better executed last week. The Jack/Locke meeting was really good, and the scenes generally flowed better. By contrast, the island scenes had slow plot development with a slow opener with the prolonged death of Juliet. I wish we would have seen her last in the finale; that was such a heroic death. Instead, we have to spend time digging her out and letting Sayid die a little more, all so that we can hear her say "it worked". Oh wait, we didn't hear her say it. We heard Miles hear it from her. AHHHHHH.

-Was less surprised than others about the Smoke Monster. I think I was just set on that revelation after the finale, and after thinking about that episode where Ben confronted Smoke Monster/Alex and Locke coincidentally disappeared. Still, pretty crazy stuff.

-I'm really glad they went with the two sideways timelines. Definitely a cool setup, as opposed to only going with the reboot or only going with the island. And there's gotta be some crazy awesome way the two will come together, who knows how. But it'll hopefully be really brilliant or something, dude.

-I think I would have had more to say about last week if I had written it more immediately. So uh, yeah.

-This will be a work-in-progress. Sure, I would like to be as organized and well-written as sepinwall.blogspot.com, but this is just a start, and I'm not putting as much time into this. But I thought this would be a fun way to have people make comments and theories and stuff. I know I tend to not want to comment on those random blogs, just 'cause I feel like it would just be a minor comment in a storm of comments. So fire away after reading this!

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Claire in LAX timeline is a tease without seeing her on the island. Unless they show her at the end of today's episode. Will I call it? I'm leaving this in either way (22 minutes in). - Yes. I called this. What up.

Kate forces a pregnant Claire out of the taxi without her suitcase, after terrifying her to death? Harming the mental state of a pregnant lady? Really? You guys really like Kate that much, compared to Juliet? Really? Otherwise though, Kate does come off pretty well though throughout the episode. Her penance to Claire in coming back to her and giving her a ride. Being a baller against annoying Other guy (that guy was pretty damn annoying) and the nice Other guy. Giving a better reason to Sawyer for coming back to the Island, especially compared to Jack's stupid reason in the finale.* Sawyer and Kate's talk was pretty good, and it was certainly moving to see Sawyer talking about marrying Juliet and forcing her to stay on the island. A nice character scene. Both actors pulled through here.

*Backtracking to the finale, one thing that frustrated me was Jack talking about detonating the bomb for Kate, when he had said earlier that it was to erase the bad stuff that happened. I wasn't sure if I was more annoyed with Jack or the writers. In the end, because of my partial allegiance to Jack, I blamed poor writing. Still, Kate's reason here (previously stated to an effect) is better than Jack's reason to Sawyer in the season 5 finale.

Screw the Japanese guy who only speaks Japanese. Annoying gimmick. Screw Japan! Screw you, Adriene! Screw you, Ichiro Suzuki! I'm cool with you, Godzilla! And you too, sushi! After the torture scene with Zombie Sayid, I was starting to get ticked off by his whole mysteriousness and lack of English. Whenever he actually spoke English, it was a relief, like, oh thank you, you actually contribute as a character.

His scene with Jack near the end definitely made me come more around to him. Still, his reason for speaking it is a little silly. What if someone just learned your language, broseph? Then your tactic of separation would be a little dumb, wouldn't it? I mean, what else are they gonna do with their free time when they're on an island?

Throughout last week and most of this week, Jack was in a weird state to me. He had this weird vibe of guilt and inaction and uncertainty of what to do that I just couldn't get a feel for his character. Luckily, his scene at the end helped remind us of Jack of yore. Mark this one up to the side that says Jack's a baller. Gotta love that he was gonna kill himself to make sure Sayid wouldn't get poisoned.

Ethan is a doctor in the real world...and seemingly not conniving in any way. First, Ethan was on the island when the bomb went off, right? So that means that he was able to get off the island still, before it eventually made it's way underwater. Gah, I wonder what happened to the island. What happened to Ellie, and Widmore, Ben, Richard Alpert, and the eventual birth of Daniel Faraday? Will be interesting to eventually see if they pop up in the LAX timeline.

Overall, I enjoyed this episode, and I thought it flowed better than the first hour of the season. It reminded me of Season 1 with the flash-sideways having Kate and Claire meet and Kate on the run. This is what the showrunners hinted at, and that's certainly the case so far. I like this mood for now. Sure, there weren't many mysteries answered or major steps in the show's mythology...but I'm OK with that for now. We still have a lot of weeks ahead. As long as they answer stuff eventually.

Finally, good to see the return of a crazy-jungle-lady-new-Rousseau-ish Claire. Darkness seeping into Sayid, and already into her? Did it come from Fake Locke/Man in Black/Smoke Monster? What's Christian got to do with all this? Hmm...

Random Notes:

-I wish they didn't show so many previews of Modern Family during these commercials. Ruining it, man!

-Will Miles be a side character from now on? Seems like he's just here now for one-liners and rapport with Hurley. I'm OK with this, but I'm just curious.

-Does anyone actually remember angry Other who Kate rocked for a second time? I don't really feel like looking back on this.

-Do they get food in the temple? They must be hungry.

-Has the Jack crew explained to the temple people about how they were in 1977 and detonated a bomb that may have killed lots of people and yet they flashed back to this time? Did I miss that? Isn't that, uh, kind of a big deal?

Shanahan: The New Hope

Started writing at 10:33

Why not? This topic has been on my mind too. My alternative title for this entry was Redskins Wars To Be Good Again: Shanahan The New Hope, but I don't know if that would have gone over as well. I am optimistic about this move to hire Shanahan, although I was doubtful about how good he would be during midseason when I first heard potential rumors about it (and as Alex will say, he called this early in the season).

Snyder has made plenty of coaching hire splashes. Marty Schottenheimer, who was fired after 1 season (and should have been kept. He went 8-8 after starting 0-5, is a proven winner, and would have been better than any of the coaching hires after. Just a stupid firing in general). He was fired to lead to Steve Spurrier, the big disaster of great, failed potential. Then there was Joe Gibbs, who was just too old for the game but excited everyone because well, it's Joe Gibbs! And uh, Jim Zorn was never a good idea. I also learned today that Zorn was 54 when he was hired. I thought the dude was in his 40s. So he was inexperienced AND old; what the f was Snyder thinking?

Now Shanahan has some caution flags. He might be too powerful with personnel decisions and might not be that good at it. He's older, sure. He had his best days with Elway in the late 90s. BUT, here are the positives.

Unlike Gibbs, Shanahan is only a year removed from his coaching, where he was fired in a way where he needs to prove himself again. He spent the year studying game tape in his own office, visiting training camps to get new ideas on what would work best on the field (he's considering 3-4), and he still knows the current game. Gibbs was stuck in an 80s era, bless his heart.

Another problem with this decade has been the involvement of Snyder/Cerrato in GM decisions, leading to huge contracts for an old Bruce Smith, Adam Archuleta, Jeff George over Brad Johnson, picking three receivers in the 2nd round instead of seeking OL help, throwing players like Campbell under the bus, the latest huge contract for Haynesworth, etc. Cerrato is now gone (he was also gone for Marty's one year. Interesting), and Snyder seems to be taking a step back, hiring a GM for his first time ever in Bruce Allen. Seems like Shanahan/Allen are running the show. For what it's worth, Shanahan only had two losing seasons. I can definitely, definitely live with that from my team's coach.

That's mainly it. I'm gonna stop writing now too. 10:42pm.

Quick Write: Game Fastforward

First, I'm gonna try to write quicker posts from now on whenever I think of something to write about. This blog is just gonna be me typing and thinking so I hopefully don't overspend time on this. That's the goal. The reason why I haven't been committed to updating this in the past is because I want to write these long, epic ideas of blogs; instead, it might be more enjoyable for me and also for you, the rare reader of my writings, if I had more frequent, shorter blogs. But then again this is probably just gonna turn into a long "quick" ramble anyway. I should note I started typing at 10:20pm.

So the way we watch sports games (and tv) has certainly evolved with things like TIVO and generic recorded tv in general, and also with sports with things like the Red Zone Channel for NFL games. These things have been great. The Red Zone Channel is just an amazing thing. Normal TV is maybe two games for the early NFL Sunday games and then one game in the late afternoon, along with the night games. If you're in a town where your team isn't local (i.e. being a Skins fan in Houston or Chicago), chances are you won't see your team play on TV unless it's a big game. And if you're in a town with a poor team (i.e. most Houston and Chicago teams while I've been in said place), it's not as enjoyable. You have to go to places like BWW to watch more games and your own team. Red Zone combines all that. Takes all the exciting aspects of all the games on TV, and switches from one game to the next so that you can get all the important bits. It's a sports bar on your tv (or in my case, an online stream, since I don't have that channel).

Tivo is also great because you can record things you miss. One thing Kevin the RA did was start recording games, and then start watching it during the course of the game so that he could catch up to the ending by the time it was about to happen. Pretty cool, cause the one drawback about sports games is that you usually get ruined about the result if you don't watch it live, just because everyone around you knows scores, or you hear about it somehow.

Kevin watches it in a nice, compressed version. They should have this option for you, where the program automatically compresses the game, so that it skips over all dead time between plays, saving only important non-play scenarios like a coach challenging a play, skips the commercials, all that jazz. You get a provided short version of the game, WHILE it's still happening, so that you can catch up to the end. They can come up with a program that gauges when you should start watching the game and how to best catch it back up live, even if you might end up being 5 minutes late in the end.

See, for Kevin, he had to manually press fast forward (I think with TIVO, skip ahead 3o seconds, which can have its drawbacks). This program would do the job for you. Game Fastforward. It would be the best thing since the Red Zone Channel.

RFC Beast: Halftime Report

OOOOOOOoooooo we're halfway there... oooooooO! livin' on a prayer...

We'll start off this report with an anecdote. This past Monday, I ventured downtown to ESPN Zone Chicago, where Bill Simmons, my sportswriting hero, was having a book signing. How big of a fan am I of Bill Simmons? I remember first reading him when he came to ESPN, getting hooked on one of his earliest ESPN articles about Len Bias, and I've been reading him since. Since 2001, freshman year of high school, his humor and sports viewpoint has been a major influence on me. I defend him against those who criticize his ability to write (Casey sucks), his homerism, and other stuff. I've read all of his ESPN chatrooms and articles, I've gone back and looked at all the stuff he wrote about The Wire and Friday Night Lights after watching those two shows (and no, I don't just like them because he does. Both of these shows are remarkable and should be checked out. The Wire is probably the greatest show of this decade and in the top-10 ever at the very least. Friday Night Lights is the best sports TV show I've ever seen, maybe only second to Hang Time. And it's about football. A football show done right. AKA not Playmakers).

Anyway, I imagine you weren't expecting to read that beatoff to Simmons just then, but I couldn't help it. VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I ARE IN LOVE, AND I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW. When I finally got to the table (by this point I was unfortunately by myself, as Marshall, who was with me in line earlier, had to peace out), Simmons signed my book quickly because he was going through such a long line. Most people could only get in comments as he signed with quick comments back, and the guy before me tried to make some joke about asking if there was a Teen Wolf reference in his book. Simmons just kept looking down and signing and said "yeah, it's possible". Rocked.

I didn't really have any time to say anything, so all I said was "Hey Bill, I just wanted to say I've been reading your stuff since freshman year of high school." Simple and sincere. Bill looked up and said aw thanks, and we shook hands. And that, my friends, is the hand that is writing this article today. Witness greatness. Or not.

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Now for the fantasy football league, the RFC Beast. We are halfway through what may be the greatest fantasy football season in history. It is certainly one of the more even leagues I've been a part of. In fact, I decided to utilize a new ranking system to help me decide how to rank the teams this time around, after being unsatisfied with my arbitrary debates after Week 4. Sure, rankings in things like the BCS are terrible and just disastrous, but in Fantasy Football, they work a lot better. And this ranking doesn't decide a multimillion-dollar college sport that affects the paths of many teams and players. Screw you, college football.

So how did I set up this complex ranking system? What crazy computer program did I use? It was, GASP, Excel! And I could have used pen and paper too. I looked at each week and ranked the teams from first to last that week based on their points. I did that for all 8 weeks so far, added up the ranking places that each team had (if you were first in the league that week, you had 10, last gets 1), and voila! Why do I like this? Because it is a better assessment than total points, as it balances out the effect of a team having an incredible, incredible points total one week and fluctuating their points total overall. This shows how well a team does week-in and week-out. Overall, there would have been 440 points to go around, with the average points total being 44.

Before we get to that, I wanna make a note of how intra-division matchups really got started after the first-quarter. For the last three weeks, we had everyone playing teams from their opposite division. The overall records of the two divisions after the Gettysburg showdown (yeah, I just came up with that. I dunno why): both are 20-20 combined. Yeah, I told you this league was even, including with division records.

The Jerry Hopkins Division

10. Flaming Romophobes (Record 2-6, 706 pts overall, 10th place in standings, 33 ranking score)

Khadir's team isn't doing so hot. At all. And it's most exciting highlight of the season so far? A trade with Peck of Buffalo D for NYG D. Exciting.

Despite having all the Cowboys in the world, Khadir failed to get the hottest one of the season, Miles Austin. Although he won this past week, his showing throughout the season has been more comparable to that of the Redskins (ugh, the Redskins season) than the Cowboys. Khadirty's ranking's score is 5 points lower than the next worse. That's pretty bad. Khadirty, you've been making Jerry Hopkins look bad. Time to shape up. You'll need a bigger makeover than Jerry Jones' face in the 90s.

9. Boston Lemon Party (Record 3-5, 738 points overall, 9th place, 38 ranking score)

8. Hamstars (Record 3-5, 752 points overall, 7th place, 38 ranking score)

Putting two NFC teams in last place kills me, but I can't really argue another way. I wanted to put Molly here, I really did, but I like his team better. Especially after Peck lost Owen Daniels to a season-ending injury. I also think that Peck got to worser end of his trade with Harriet, where he traded Steve Breaston and Frank Gore for Brandon Marshall and Carnell Williams. While it wasn't a terrible trade by any means, I just like Frank Gore a lot (I know he has RB depth, but I'm just sayin'), and B Marshall needs to get hotter again after some weak weeks. And the trade makes Harriet's team stronger, which puts her ahead of these two gents. Guess the woman's not at the bottom of this man-pile... uh...Molly wrote that one.

Molly's mistake of Michael Turner doesn't change the fact that Turner is still a first-round type of player, and the worse-icon-ever has been lucky to have Braylon "I-can't-feel-my-hands" Edwards be traded to the Jets (did you know the New Orleans D has more TDs than the Browns' O? That is...terrible. Just terrible. and LoLzzzz0rzzzzz. Eric Mangina strikes again!), and yeah, Reggie Wayne is good. But Molly, you still suck. Hamstars? Really? Are you in second grade still?

Bill Simmons Division (because despite my support for Simmons, I can't deny that he can sometimes suck at Fantasy Football, and he apparently forgot to switch out his kicker on bye this week because he was so busy with book signings even though he was on break during the weekend. This with the kicker who's on the Patriots, his favorite team, by the way.)

7. DoubleDsOnThatBitch (3-5, 740 points, 8th place, 41)

Before last week, I questioned if Harriet even cared anymore. Heck, she was in 'Nam, had Brian Westbrook, who was clearly injured, in her starting spot, and her drunk psycho self was roaming the streets like a drugged out US soldier in the 60s. The trade with Peck definitely makes things look better, although not necessarily spectacular. Just an improvement. Do I see her defending her title in the playoffs? Nah, not really. But this team could make things exciting. Also, in Harriet's defense, apparently she didn't start McNabb one week because she was out of town or something. That's actually no excuse, but whatever, Harriet. You're probably high on morphine.

With LDT, Gore, and Westbrook, she has 3 guys who are old/oft-injured. That still means she has a decent shot of having two of them start each week! Gotta play those odds sometimes. 3 old men trying to perform. Maybe she should take on Peck's team name.

6. Slumdoggy Style (6-2, 809 pts, 1st place, 42)

This is where things got more difficult. Faheem's team is ranked #1 in the standings, ahead by at least a game over everyone else, and he's been #1 for most of the season. But he's not the best team, at least not so far in my opinion, and it doesn't seem like he will be. Maybe he'll prove us wrong, but I don't have as much confidence in that.

What does the ranking system say? It says Slumdoggy Style is 6th out of 10. You heard me. That wasn't a typo. THAT JUST HAPPENED. So I had to weigh how I wanted to rank this. Faheem is still two games ahead of Jaimin and Ferras, and one game ahead of me, Mark, and Alex. So the question is, do I think his team has a good shot at making the playoffs, the top 4? And I think he has a decent shot still. His record gives him room to breathe. But for the sake of these rankings, for the sake of making my ranking system the end-all-be-all of this midseason report (Doesn't this remind you of the BCS? Don't you love it? There's nothing you can do to stop me!), I'll put Faheem at #6.

Slumdoggy made one of the better FA pickups of the last few weeks, if not, the season, with Miles "Roy Williams is garbage" Austin. Otherwise, Rivers hasn't been Rivers 2008 so far, the running game is a little weak (such it McGahee!), and the WR3 spot hasn't been great either. Let's see if Faheem can take on the league the way he's been taking on the U.S. Government for the last 8 years. Get it? Cause his last name is Ahmed? And he likes curry?

Tony Reali Division- I've only read like one of Tony Reali's fantasy football articles from this year (Stat Boy from PTI and host of Around the Horn for you who don't know him), but they don't seem that great. Still, this is an upgrade of a name over Champ Bailey, who had no realistic connection to fantasy football last time.

5. Ginn and Juice (4-4, 804 points, 6th place, 44)

I actually thought this team might be really good during my 1st quarter report, even considered putting it in the top-2, but I refrained. It hasn't done as great as I anticipated. Steve Smith NYG has gone back down to normal, there's still no solid WR3, and well, we're honestly at a point here where the teams that are good aren't necessarily great. I don't really have a lot of criticism here; the team just isn't as good as the teams ahead. Remember how I said this league is incredibly even? Case in point. Remember how Ferras got rid of Ted Ginn Jr.? He still doesn't have him. Alex has him. This name makes as much sense as the Utah Jazz, the L.A. Lakers, or the fact that the show Glee's biggest storyline in its season so far is an absurd pregnancy plot. But I digress.

4. el luchador (4-4, 811, 5th place, 45)

Despite all the haters in the league for Gimpy McGimperson, the Indian wrestler sex-fiend that you would keep away from your children, Jaimin's actually got a solid team so far. As I said in the last quarter, you can't deny the power of blue-chippers, and he's got the top-fantasy-qb so far in Aaron Rodgers and the second-best RB in Jones-Drew. That's legit. In a league like this, sometimes what matters is that you just have a couple of the best players. You can compare Fantasy Football a little more to the NBA than the NFL this way. Having a Jordan and a Pippen can make you a champ. Maybe.

With Thomas Jones too, he has a killer RB combo. Still, this team isn't flawless. It's more imperfect than others, with weak WRs (read: Boldin is not good this year). But hey, maybe there won't be a samurai sword to stab an oxygen-deprived and incredibly confused Jaimin in and around the crotch (I don't think that happens in the movie, but it's funnier that way).

Matthew Berry Division

3. McNair InThe Shotgun (5-3, 823 points, 4th place, 51)

Whiny Sir Whinerson has earned his way out of the Bill Simmons Division into the top division. Maybe he won't cry at night anymore. Plus, his real NFL team is actually doing well this season, so screw him.

Led by Drew Brees (or as Wilbon would say, DREWWW BREEEEEEESSS!!!), Alex's team has overcome the breakdown of his 6-RB platoon. In the dust lay some options still, although Steve Slaton? Maybe not a good first round pick. Probably should have gone with, oh, I dunno, Chris Johnson. It doesn't seem like the team has good stability, but I think Alex has been doing a good job of picking up players as quick fixes. I can't disagree with the rankings. Air McNair earns the 3 spot and the reminder that sometimes, the dead are best honored with a terrible, terrible team moniker.

2. The Long Johnsons (5-3, 879 points, 3rd place, 53)

Can I just say again, like last time, that I really love my team? I'm very happy with how things turned out, except for the fact that I drafted Calvin Johnson instead of the other long Johnson, Andre. That was a big mistake. Still, I have a top-2 scoring QB, 2 of the 6 top WRs, 2 of the 4 top RBs and Pierre Thomas, and the second-best TE. I feel like my lineup is a powerhouse. I dig it. Worries? That Schaub will fall apart because he's never had a season like this all year, leading to a decent but not amazing Flacco. That Calvin will not end up turning it around, so I'll depend instead on guys like Nate Burleson and Hakeem Nicks. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. My RB situation seems pretty solid right now. This week, I have a shot at getting vengeance on gimpy, as he beat me in Week 3 with the highest score vs. my second highest score of the week. I say bring it. I'm gonna go Bruce Willis on ya, gimpy! Zed's dead, baby! Where's my weird accent-speaking and terrible character of a French ladyfriend who wants to eat pancakes?

1. Hughes Black Cox (5-3, 847 points, 2nd place, 55)

Against all odds, Mark stays in first place! Will this be a run throughout the season, or will he fall apart like Florida inevitably will by the end of this season?! Only time will tell!

Mark's unconventional moves (to continue his QB messings, he picked up Cutler to start over Ryan for Week 8, with Brady on bye. So he had Brady, Ryan, and Cutler on his roster all at the same time. Just odd.) haven't hurt him so much. With DeAngelo picking things up and bright spots like Percy Harvin, and what do you know, New Orleans D, this team has done well so far. Enjoy the top while you can, Mark... cause you won't be there forever ...mwa...ha...ha...

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And scene.

Fantasy Football Update: The First Quarter

Ladies and gentlemen (especially the ladies, I know you're psyched for Fantasy Football talk), it's the moment you've all been waiting for! That's right, it's time for the first quarter report of our Fantasy Football league, the RFC Beast! Are you psyched? Are you so pumped you have testosterone bleeding from your ears? If you didn't say yes to either question, you better check yoself foo'.

So Matt, you might ask, how has the league gone so far? You've held such high expectations and were so excited for it, surely you were let down, right? No one probably cares about the league, and it's not that fun, right? WRONG. SHUT UP NAYSAYERS AND LIONS SYMPATHIZERS AND JAY CUTLER AND BRETT FAVRE AND PACKERS HATERS. The league has actually been great so far, and I think the other owners would agree. It might be the most entertaining league I've been in. Lots of fun "smack talk" as Yahoo coins it, lots of comments on games, everyone's into their teams for the most part. The league even has a lot of parity, similar to the real NFL (suck it, college football), with the third-best team so far (me) actually being only 2-2. 6 of the 10 teams are 2-2 right now, which is crazy. By contrast, my Brown keeper league (dead as a doornail) doesn't have a 2-2 team until the 6th of 12 teams.

I also believe the league has a higher IQ than the average league. I don't really have specific proof of this, no, but I'll use an example from our draft. One of the fantasy greats from years past, LaDainian Tomlinson, has been on the decline last year, especially last year when he finally turned in a performance no longer worthy of a top-3 pick. This year during the summer, as people began to convince themselves more and more, sportswriters started to talk about LDT getting stronger, healthier, healing from the past, being as driven as ever, and how the Chargers were going to run the ball more this year. People started putting him in the range of #3 overall through #7 overall. Our league? #13 overall. Thankfully, I resisted his allure and went for the younger Chris Johnson and a WR. Harriet took homeboy, which wasn't a bad pick at the time, although it hasn't worked out. All the prognosticators forgot a couple things: LDT's getting old. OK that's one thing, but that matters the most. Old running backs can't escape Father Time. It happened to Shaun Alexander (believe me, I've made that mistake), Marshall Faulk, Edge, other guys. It's happening, sadly, to Portis (this year he'll decline, next year he'll probably stink). So what does this story mean? Our league is genius! By contrast for example, this random league I'm in because of my Kolkata teammate had a guy drop Wes Welker last week. Wes Welker! He's only been injured for a few weeks, that's all. So I picked him up off the waiver wire. Now I'm playing the guy who dropped him this week, and I'm starting Welker against him. Awesomeness.

Also, the league has enjoyed some fun with its divisions. Although Molly has criticized it (biggest shocker since it turned out Anakin would turn evil in Revenge of the Sith), I think people have had fun with it. It's been cool to see which division is doing better (so far the NFC side might be winning) and to just have that extra wrinkle. After 4 weeks, the intra-division record has been 2-2, so I play Mark this week to uneven that out. It's on!

Anyway, I thought the best way to organize thoughts might be through power rankings of our 10 teams. Note that I am completely aware of the weird position I am in, ranking a league of people who I am competing against every week. Awkward? Yes. But suck it, team owners! With another nod to Bill Simmons, here are rankings, with tiers and all.

The Jerry Hopkins Division

10. Flaming Romophobes - Khadir (Record: 0-4, 342.10 pts, Division record 0-3). Important players include: Romo, Favre, A. Johnson, Driver, Manningham, H. Ward, Evans, Forte, Barber, J. Stewart, Witten

3 years ago, in my first attempt to start a league for folks from Rice, I was having trouble finding 10 teams. I took a flyer on Jerry Hopkins, who I knew was a big Pats fan. Turns out that was the only football he really knew. Jerry was inattentive all year, not updating his team paying any attention. Then, in a week when Khadir needed a win to make the playoffs, Jerry came out of nowhere with an upset! It was like when those Pac-10 teams knock USC out of the national championship picture. So, it seems appropriate that if Khadir has the worst team of the year so far, we would pay homage to the one, the only, Jerry Hopkins.

Khadir's team gets the last place of this poll on default with his 0-4 record thus far. Also at the current rate, it might be fair to say that his team isn't in the best position. The Romophobes are filled with Cowboys, which has been a problem with the Cowboys not playing so well so far (Khadir's team was in a similar scenario 3 years ago, but that was a much better team too). It's one thing that the team has Romo, Witten, and Barber, but also has been using the Cowboys kicker and defense. Overload! Overload! If this dependence on the Cowboys continues, the Romophobes might fall flatter than Romo in that playoff game against the Seahawks where he fumbled the snap for the winning field goal.

9. Hamstars - Molly (Record: 1-3, 310.98 pts, Division 1-2). Important players include: Adrian Peterson, oops, I mean, Michael Turner, Palmer, Wayne, Welker, Braylon Edwards lol, Portis, Sproles, Hasselbeck, Winslow, Celek

Oh man, I really wanted to give Molly the 10 spot, and he might deserve it, especially because he has the lowest amount of points in the league (about 30 less than Khadir actually), but Khadir does have no wins, and Molly has 1. Ugh. I hate Molly. Did I mention Molly sucks?

It's alright, either way, Molly's in the Jerry Hopkins realm. Cursed for thinking he was clever in picking Michael "I had a lucky season last year with a weak schedule and overuse" Turner, Molly has earned himself an underachieving #1 pick instead of Adrian Peterson, along with curses of injuries of Welker, Portis' old age, and Braylon Edwards being, well, Braylon Edwards. Daniel also continues to have one of the two worst team names of the league. Molly is also holding onto Reggie "There are 3 RBs on this team that would perform well at Fantasy Football before I did" Bush, which is unfortunate.

Finally, it's very important to note that Molly's team icon is currently bordering...nay, way past the verge of creepy as hell. It's an Asian baby crying, with its eyes closed (or is that just supposed to be Liang?) , with a milk bottle, and what appears to be two lollipops behind it. Creepy. Just... creepy.

Bill Simmons Division

8. DoubleDsOnThatBitch - Harriet (Overall Record: 2-2, 358 pts, Division 2-1). Important players: Eli, McNabb, Jennings, Marshall, Holmes, LDT, Westbrook, Cadillac, Tony Gonzalez

So far I've really just followed the order of the standings, and that's kinda how most of these rankings go. It's hard to avoid the standings at this point. But I'm trying to rank the teams based on likelihood of making the playoffs too. We reach the first of 6 teams now that are 2-2 and range from 3rd-8th place in the standings. The DoubleDs bring a great name, but the current reigning champ ain't sitting pretty. Draft disappointments include Slow Willie Parker, LenDale "Tequila was my secret weapon what was i thinking" White, and a somewhat high Pittsburgh defense draft pick. McNabb got injured, Brandon Marshall hasn't reached his potential just yet (if he does), Santonio Holmes hasn't shown much since the first week. The DoubleDs first two picks are also part of the "Old as F" club, with Westbrook showing injuries and LDT showing, well, injuries. Wow that analysis sounded really down. Basically, this team needs some better games after posting 3 games of sub-90-point results.

7. Boston Lemon Party - Peck (2-2, 369.60, Division 1-2). Important players: Warner, Housz, Steve Smith (Car), Peterson, Benson, Frank Gore, Choice, O. Daniels

At first I was gonna put Alex's team here, I think because of all of his complaining and negativity about his team, but I continue the trend of keeping the teams where they oughtta be compared to standings. What do I like about the Lemon Party, other than the name? The strong point is clearly the running game. Peterson obviously, and at a discount with the #2 pick (seriously Molly, what were you thinking!), Gore, who's incredible but sometimes injured and he doesn't have Coffee, and Cedric "Hey look what I can do" Benson. A three-headed monster there. Almost like a lemon party...

Otherwise, Warner still scares me 'cause he's in the same club with LDT and Westbrook, and the WRs have not shown up so far. Also, the team started off great, but the last 2 weeks have been real clunkers, with sub-70-point results. Not a great trend. He started off high but went down real quickly. Almost like a lemon party...

6. McNairInTheShotgun - Alex (2-2, 372.14, Division 1-2). Important players: Brees, Ochocinco, Roddy White, Knox, F. Jackson, Slaton, K Smith, Julius Jones, Cutler, Mendenhall, Carlson

Why is this the Bill Simmons division? Bill Simmons has been complaining recently about not enjoying Fantasy Football and maybe quitting next year. He mentioned it in his column last Friday and talked about it in his weekly podcast with Cousin Sal about NFL stuff. Alex said he agreed with him. To that, I say "Hogwash!". Both Bill and Alex are just complaining because they've been losing and are whining like a bunch of babies. Simmons mentions how he doesn't enjoy rooting for Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin to get however many points in the Monday night game so his team wins, and then be let down. Who cares? Maybe you're let down. It's Fantasy Football. You just take the loss in stride. Besides, if Simmons was doing decent in his leagues he wouldn't be complaining. Don't be a baby! It's a fun game with friends. It's an added angle on the NFL season. A win-win.

Anyway, Alex has been suffering the curse of McNair's ghostly wrath, which is a dilemma because it's such an awesome team name that you can't pick a better one. Alex's WRs are super weak, and his team is likely to have a trade before the week's end, whether with me or someone else. Roddy White has been incredibly disappointing, with Tony G hopping into bed with Matt Ryan faster than you can say Mohamed Massoquoi. Thus, his WRs are pretty lame. Brees has been great. The RBs are plentiful although not necessarily super-exciting. Slaton and K Smith are not the stars so far that one might have hoped they would be, the so-far-awesome Fred Jackson is facing the threat of a timeshare, yeah. Still, it's a plethora that can turn into some trades if Alex is smarter than JP Ricciardi. Or not as stubborn. Ricciardi, you were an idiot! Seriously, no Halladay trade? Really?

Champ BaileyDivision

I don't really have a good name for this division, so I just went with Champ Bailey. He was one of my favorite Skins before being traded, and I still wish we hadn't made that trade just because I was such a fan of Champ. One of the best corners of the decade, and he reminded us of his Redskins past this week with his pwnage of Romo. Nice. So I don't mind randomly paying homage to him here.

5. el luchador - Jaimin (2-2, 392.92, Div. 2-1). Important players include: Rodgers, Santana Moss, Boldin, A. Bryant, Jones-Drew, T. Jones, Hightower, Cooley

Ugh. I'm still following the overall standings placements. How unoriginal. Sorry, that's the way it is. I tried to consider putting Jaimin in front of Ferras, but couldn't do it. Jaimin's team started off 0-2, although it did well in Week 1 and got rocked by a high-scoring opponent. Jaimin put the stops on me in Week 3 though, taking away my 2nd highest point total of the league that week with his highest point total of the league. Great, thanks Jaimin.

Jaimin's team, before we get to his strengths, has two key weaknesses. 1. His team name, super lame. The Wrestler in Spanish? Wow awesome. Too bad this isn't Fantasy Wrestling, which I guess is what happens in Jaimin's dreams every night when he fantasizes about getting pile-drived by The Rock. 2. Jaimin's icon is as weird as Molly's (both have crappy names and icons!). He's supposed to be some wrestler guy, but it just looks like he's the gimp from Pulp Fiction (consequently, during Week 3 he made me feel like Marcellus Wallace in that one scene. Sigh.). Also, Jaimin doesn't have the greatest bench depth, and Boldin and Bryant haven't been the impressive WRs one might have hoped considering their draft positions.

Still, Jaimin's team is getting hot, and he has some blue chippers like Rodgers and Jones-Drew. Nasty stuff. He also finally broke out of his smack talk shell this week, saying "let's tango peckers". Feisty.

4. Ginn and Juice - Ferras (2-2, 403.14, Div 1-2). Important players: Peyton Manning, Roy Williams, S. Smith (NYG), Fitzgerald, Jacobs, R Brown, Shockey, Big Ben, wildcard Lynch, Buckhalter

Ferras' team, despite the terrible fallacy of having a team namesake after a player he no longer has, is getting hot. His team has improved in points every week for 4 weeks. At this rate, he'll win the championship in Week 16 with 300 points total! Yowza!

Ferras has reminded us this year that he is as good of a contender as he was two years ago. Another reminder why last year never happened. His starting lineup looks really strong right now, with Peyton "hey you might not be excited by me but I'll always bring it in fantasy" Manning, Steve Smith, who Ferras actually drafted, dropped, and picked back up, and Ronnie Brown (I had Ronnie the last two years in different leagues. One year he gets injured for the rest of the season, another he explodes for 5 tds one game that I didn't start him and only disappoints for the rest of the season. Needless to say, I hate Ronnie Brown and his family). Roy Williams might not be a great WR3, but he could get better over time. And I still don't think Fitz will earn his #1 overall WR status this year since Boldin isn't gonna get his face jacked up this year. It looks like his bench might not be too strong, but I don't even know anymore. I'm getting tired. I'm moving on to the next team.

3. The Long Johnsons - me (2-2, 451.2, Div 2-2). Important players include: Schaub, Flacco, Calvin Johnson, DeSean Jackson, Colston, Chris Johnson, Pierre Thomas, Ray Rice, Dallas Clark, Garcon, D Brown

I'm not gonna lie, I love my team. I really like my potential and think it's a great team. Still, I'm only 2-2, and I'm two games back in my division, so I won't rate my team any higher than its overall standing position. And I've been beaten by one of the two teams ahead of me. Plus, I don't like the potential karma if I rate myself higher. That being said, I would note that I have the highest point total in the league, 29 points higher than the next guy. Byah!

After a Week 1 major stinker, starting the season off in last place, my team has been bringing it. In Week 2, I had a massacre of a lineup, beating down Khadir's high 100+ points with about 170 points from the Johnsons. Highlights included a WTF week from Chris Johnson with 3tds and 46 pts, about 20 points each from Colston and DeSean, 24 from Dallas Clark, and I didn't even start Schaub over Flacco (a difference of about 20 points). OH YEAH! Of course, the next week, as I mentioned before, I lost to Gimpy with the 2nd highest score in the week. Sigh. I wish I were 3-1. Then this past week, the team performed decent enough.

My weakest point is probably my QBs, since Flacco and Schaub are good and have potential, but they're not as good as the Manning/Brees tier yet. I'm very excited to have Pierre Thomas back, and Dallas Clark has been great. Feel great about my 3 main WRs, especially DeSean's emergence, and hopefully RB Chris Johnson will continue awesomeness. I despise Willis McGahee though, for crippling Ray Rice's potential. This week's game against Mark will be crucial. If I lose, despite my point total so far, I'll be sub-.500. Hopefully that won't happen! But we shall see. We shall see. One final note about my team, I'm hopeful about my now-sleeper Mohamed Massaquoi of the Browns. Sure it might not amount to anything, but with Braylon Edwards traded away, maybe he'll break out! Otherwise, I gave up Beanie Wells' spot for him, so I don't feel so bad about it.

Matthew Berry Division

Matthew Berry's a popular Fantasy Football writer who is pretty enjoyable to read, so I figured I'll pay homage to him here.

2. Slumdoggy Style - Faheem (4-0, 422.9, Div 3-0). Important players: Rivers, Randy Moss, Cotchery, Berrian, Bowe, Steven Jackson, McGahee, Moreno, Gates

1. Hughes Black Cox - Mark (3-1, 404.52, Div 3-0). Important players: Brady, Ryan, V Jackson, Mason, Walter, Sims-Walker, Harvin, DeAngelo, Grant, Coffee, Olsen

Oh no he didn't! I have finally decided to switch teams from their overall standings, and on the top 2 at that! Let the controversy begin. This is more absurd than the BCS every year! But seriously, I weighed the two teams and decided that I would rather take Mark's team at the current moment. Also, who knows, maybe giving Mark the #1 spot will jinx him, and I'll beat him this week. That would be cool.

Why do I prefer Hughes Black Cox over Slumdoggy Style? Can you read that sentence out loud while keeping a straight face?

I didn't think so.

Faheem's team does have the 2nd most points, but his perfect record can also be attributed to his opponents so far; his opponents have averaged only about 70 pts, and a lot of his points came last week, with a skewed point total from the San Fran D. Not to say his team's bad, especially being two games ahead of the division, but I just like Mark's team more. Slumdoggy's WR3 is a little weak, with Bowe disappointing so far, and I'm not buying the stock on McGahee's continued success (partly because I want him to suck so that Rice is better, partly because I just don't see him sustaining the TD success so well over the long run).

Despite Mark's absurd pick of Matt Ryan in Round 3, which I still can't defend, and I think that if he hadn't made it, his team would be better, his team is quite good. His WR depth is strong, with the gem of Vincent Jackson, the surprising Sims-Walker (hey, give some catches to JD why don't ya!), the young Harvin, and the old as f Mason. DeAngelo hasn't been worthy of his Round 1 pick yet, but Mark fortunately has Glen Coffee (hey Peck, I bet you wish you had Coffee) right now, and Ryan Grant is solid. His weak point is TE (shoulda drafted Cooley!). At 3-1, he's also top dog of the AFC Panty-Wearing Pansies, and he's currently top dog of these rankings. For now. W'll see again in 4 weeks. Dum dum dum!...

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OK, so that's that. What a long entry! Consider it making up for my lack of entries recently. In the next few weeks, I hope to have entries on new TV shows this season that I've been trying out, maybe some thoughts on the Oscars, maybe some thoughts on Korea, and thoughts on why baseball sucks. Who knows! I'll be giving RFC Beast updates every 4 weeks, ending after Week 16 with a season recap. I actually might do one after Week 14, a playoff preview, if I feel like it. Hopefully I'll be in the playoffs at that point. Until next time, Youn out!