RFC Beast: Halftime Report

OOOOOOOoooooo we're halfway there... oooooooO! livin' on a prayer...

We'll start off this report with an anecdote. This past Monday, I ventured downtown to ESPN Zone Chicago, where Bill Simmons, my sportswriting hero, was having a book signing. How big of a fan am I of Bill Simmons? I remember first reading him when he came to ESPN, getting hooked on one of his earliest ESPN articles about Len Bias, and I've been reading him since. Since 2001, freshman year of high school, his humor and sports viewpoint has been a major influence on me. I defend him against those who criticize his ability to write (Casey sucks), his homerism, and other stuff. I've read all of his ESPN chatrooms and articles, I've gone back and looked at all the stuff he wrote about The Wire and Friday Night Lights after watching those two shows (and no, I don't just like them because he does. Both of these shows are remarkable and should be checked out. The Wire is probably the greatest show of this decade and in the top-10 ever at the very least. Friday Night Lights is the best sports TV show I've ever seen, maybe only second to Hang Time. And it's about football. A football show done right. AKA not Playmakers).

Anyway, I imagine you weren't expecting to read that beatoff to Simmons just then, but I couldn't help it. VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I ARE IN LOVE, AND I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW. When I finally got to the table (by this point I was unfortunately by myself, as Marshall, who was with me in line earlier, had to peace out), Simmons signed my book quickly because he was going through such a long line. Most people could only get in comments as he signed with quick comments back, and the guy before me tried to make some joke about asking if there was a Teen Wolf reference in his book. Simmons just kept looking down and signing and said "yeah, it's possible". Rocked.

I didn't really have any time to say anything, so all I said was "Hey Bill, I just wanted to say I've been reading your stuff since freshman year of high school." Simple and sincere. Bill looked up and said aw thanks, and we shook hands. And that, my friends, is the hand that is writing this article today. Witness greatness. Or not.

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Now for the fantasy football league, the RFC Beast. We are halfway through what may be the greatest fantasy football season in history. It is certainly one of the more even leagues I've been a part of. In fact, I decided to utilize a new ranking system to help me decide how to rank the teams this time around, after being unsatisfied with my arbitrary debates after Week 4. Sure, rankings in things like the BCS are terrible and just disastrous, but in Fantasy Football, they work a lot better. And this ranking doesn't decide a multimillion-dollar college sport that affects the paths of many teams and players. Screw you, college football.

So how did I set up this complex ranking system? What crazy computer program did I use? It was, GASP, Excel! And I could have used pen and paper too. I looked at each week and ranked the teams from first to last that week based on their points. I did that for all 8 weeks so far, added up the ranking places that each team had (if you were first in the league that week, you had 10, last gets 1), and voila! Why do I like this? Because it is a better assessment than total points, as it balances out the effect of a team having an incredible, incredible points total one week and fluctuating their points total overall. This shows how well a team does week-in and week-out. Overall, there would have been 440 points to go around, with the average points total being 44.

Before we get to that, I wanna make a note of how intra-division matchups really got started after the first-quarter. For the last three weeks, we had everyone playing teams from their opposite division. The overall records of the two divisions after the Gettysburg showdown (yeah, I just came up with that. I dunno why): both are 20-20 combined. Yeah, I told you this league was even, including with division records.

The Jerry Hopkins Division

10. Flaming Romophobes (Record 2-6, 706 pts overall, 10th place in standings, 33 ranking score)

Khadir's team isn't doing so hot. At all. And it's most exciting highlight of the season so far? A trade with Peck of Buffalo D for NYG D. Exciting.

Despite having all the Cowboys in the world, Khadir failed to get the hottest one of the season, Miles Austin. Although he won this past week, his showing throughout the season has been more comparable to that of the Redskins (ugh, the Redskins season) than the Cowboys. Khadirty's ranking's score is 5 points lower than the next worse. That's pretty bad. Khadirty, you've been making Jerry Hopkins look bad. Time to shape up. You'll need a bigger makeover than Jerry Jones' face in the 90s.

9. Boston Lemon Party (Record 3-5, 738 points overall, 9th place, 38 ranking score)

8. Hamstars (Record 3-5, 752 points overall, 7th place, 38 ranking score)

Putting two NFC teams in last place kills me, but I can't really argue another way. I wanted to put Molly here, I really did, but I like his team better. Especially after Peck lost Owen Daniels to a season-ending injury. I also think that Peck got to worser end of his trade with Harriet, where he traded Steve Breaston and Frank Gore for Brandon Marshall and Carnell Williams. While it wasn't a terrible trade by any means, I just like Frank Gore a lot (I know he has RB depth, but I'm just sayin'), and B Marshall needs to get hotter again after some weak weeks. And the trade makes Harriet's team stronger, which puts her ahead of these two gents. Guess the woman's not at the bottom of this man-pile... uh...Molly wrote that one.

Molly's mistake of Michael Turner doesn't change the fact that Turner is still a first-round type of player, and the worse-icon-ever has been lucky to have Braylon "I-can't-feel-my-hands" Edwards be traded to the Jets (did you know the New Orleans D has more TDs than the Browns' O? That is...terrible. Just terrible. and LoLzzzz0rzzzzz. Eric Mangina strikes again!), and yeah, Reggie Wayne is good. But Molly, you still suck. Hamstars? Really? Are you in second grade still?

Bill Simmons Division (because despite my support for Simmons, I can't deny that he can sometimes suck at Fantasy Football, and he apparently forgot to switch out his kicker on bye this week because he was so busy with book signings even though he was on break during the weekend. This with the kicker who's on the Patriots, his favorite team, by the way.)

7. DoubleDsOnThatBitch (3-5, 740 points, 8th place, 41)

Before last week, I questioned if Harriet even cared anymore. Heck, she was in 'Nam, had Brian Westbrook, who was clearly injured, in her starting spot, and her drunk psycho self was roaming the streets like a drugged out US soldier in the 60s. The trade with Peck definitely makes things look better, although not necessarily spectacular. Just an improvement. Do I see her defending her title in the playoffs? Nah, not really. But this team could make things exciting. Also, in Harriet's defense, apparently she didn't start McNabb one week because she was out of town or something. That's actually no excuse, but whatever, Harriet. You're probably high on morphine.

With LDT, Gore, and Westbrook, she has 3 guys who are old/oft-injured. That still means she has a decent shot of having two of them start each week! Gotta play those odds sometimes. 3 old men trying to perform. Maybe she should take on Peck's team name.

6. Slumdoggy Style (6-2, 809 pts, 1st place, 42)

This is where things got more difficult. Faheem's team is ranked #1 in the standings, ahead by at least a game over everyone else, and he's been #1 for most of the season. But he's not the best team, at least not so far in my opinion, and it doesn't seem like he will be. Maybe he'll prove us wrong, but I don't have as much confidence in that.

What does the ranking system say? It says Slumdoggy Style is 6th out of 10. You heard me. That wasn't a typo. THAT JUST HAPPENED. So I had to weigh how I wanted to rank this. Faheem is still two games ahead of Jaimin and Ferras, and one game ahead of me, Mark, and Alex. So the question is, do I think his team has a good shot at making the playoffs, the top 4? And I think he has a decent shot still. His record gives him room to breathe. But for the sake of these rankings, for the sake of making my ranking system the end-all-be-all of this midseason report (Doesn't this remind you of the BCS? Don't you love it? There's nothing you can do to stop me!), I'll put Faheem at #6.

Slumdoggy made one of the better FA pickups of the last few weeks, if not, the season, with Miles "Roy Williams is garbage" Austin. Otherwise, Rivers hasn't been Rivers 2008 so far, the running game is a little weak (such it McGahee!), and the WR3 spot hasn't been great either. Let's see if Faheem can take on the league the way he's been taking on the U.S. Government for the last 8 years. Get it? Cause his last name is Ahmed? And he likes curry?

Tony Reali Division- I've only read like one of Tony Reali's fantasy football articles from this year (Stat Boy from PTI and host of Around the Horn for you who don't know him), but they don't seem that great. Still, this is an upgrade of a name over Champ Bailey, who had no realistic connection to fantasy football last time.

5. Ginn and Juice (4-4, 804 points, 6th place, 44)

I actually thought this team might be really good during my 1st quarter report, even considered putting it in the top-2, but I refrained. It hasn't done as great as I anticipated. Steve Smith NYG has gone back down to normal, there's still no solid WR3, and well, we're honestly at a point here where the teams that are good aren't necessarily great. I don't really have a lot of criticism here; the team just isn't as good as the teams ahead. Remember how I said this league is incredibly even? Case in point. Remember how Ferras got rid of Ted Ginn Jr.? He still doesn't have him. Alex has him. This name makes as much sense as the Utah Jazz, the L.A. Lakers, or the fact that the show Glee's biggest storyline in its season so far is an absurd pregnancy plot. But I digress.

4. el luchador (4-4, 811, 5th place, 45)

Despite all the haters in the league for Gimpy McGimperson, the Indian wrestler sex-fiend that you would keep away from your children, Jaimin's actually got a solid team so far. As I said in the last quarter, you can't deny the power of blue-chippers, and he's got the top-fantasy-qb so far in Aaron Rodgers and the second-best RB in Jones-Drew. That's legit. In a league like this, sometimes what matters is that you just have a couple of the best players. You can compare Fantasy Football a little more to the NBA than the NFL this way. Having a Jordan and a Pippen can make you a champ. Maybe.

With Thomas Jones too, he has a killer RB combo. Still, this team isn't flawless. It's more imperfect than others, with weak WRs (read: Boldin is not good this year). But hey, maybe there won't be a samurai sword to stab an oxygen-deprived and incredibly confused Jaimin in and around the crotch (I don't think that happens in the movie, but it's funnier that way).

Matthew Berry Division

3. McNair InThe Shotgun (5-3, 823 points, 4th place, 51)

Whiny Sir Whinerson has earned his way out of the Bill Simmons Division into the top division. Maybe he won't cry at night anymore. Plus, his real NFL team is actually doing well this season, so screw him.

Led by Drew Brees (or as Wilbon would say, DREWWW BREEEEEEESSS!!!), Alex's team has overcome the breakdown of his 6-RB platoon. In the dust lay some options still, although Steve Slaton? Maybe not a good first round pick. Probably should have gone with, oh, I dunno, Chris Johnson. It doesn't seem like the team has good stability, but I think Alex has been doing a good job of picking up players as quick fixes. I can't disagree with the rankings. Air McNair earns the 3 spot and the reminder that sometimes, the dead are best honored with a terrible, terrible team moniker.

2. The Long Johnsons (5-3, 879 points, 3rd place, 53)

Can I just say again, like last time, that I really love my team? I'm very happy with how things turned out, except for the fact that I drafted Calvin Johnson instead of the other long Johnson, Andre. That was a big mistake. Still, I have a top-2 scoring QB, 2 of the 6 top WRs, 2 of the 4 top RBs and Pierre Thomas, and the second-best TE. I feel like my lineup is a powerhouse. I dig it. Worries? That Schaub will fall apart because he's never had a season like this all year, leading to a decent but not amazing Flacco. That Calvin will not end up turning it around, so I'll depend instead on guys like Nate Burleson and Hakeem Nicks. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. My RB situation seems pretty solid right now. This week, I have a shot at getting vengeance on gimpy, as he beat me in Week 3 with the highest score vs. my second highest score of the week. I say bring it. I'm gonna go Bruce Willis on ya, gimpy! Zed's dead, baby! Where's my weird accent-speaking and terrible character of a French ladyfriend who wants to eat pancakes?

1. Hughes Black Cox (5-3, 847 points, 2nd place, 55)

Against all odds, Mark stays in first place! Will this be a run throughout the season, or will he fall apart like Florida inevitably will by the end of this season?! Only time will tell!

Mark's unconventional moves (to continue his QB messings, he picked up Cutler to start over Ryan for Week 8, with Brady on bye. So he had Brady, Ryan, and Cutler on his roster all at the same time. Just odd.) haven't hurt him so much. With DeAngelo picking things up and bright spots like Percy Harvin, and what do you know, New Orleans D, this team has done well so far. Enjoy the top while you can, Mark... cause you won't be there forever ...mwa...ha...ha...

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And scene.

Fantasy Football Update: The First Quarter

Ladies and gentlemen (especially the ladies, I know you're psyched for Fantasy Football talk), it's the moment you've all been waiting for! That's right, it's time for the first quarter report of our Fantasy Football league, the RFC Beast! Are you psyched? Are you so pumped you have testosterone bleeding from your ears? If you didn't say yes to either question, you better check yoself foo'.

So Matt, you might ask, how has the league gone so far? You've held such high expectations and were so excited for it, surely you were let down, right? No one probably cares about the league, and it's not that fun, right? WRONG. SHUT UP NAYSAYERS AND LIONS SYMPATHIZERS AND JAY CUTLER AND BRETT FAVRE AND PACKERS HATERS. The league has actually been great so far, and I think the other owners would agree. It might be the most entertaining league I've been in. Lots of fun "smack talk" as Yahoo coins it, lots of comments on games, everyone's into their teams for the most part. The league even has a lot of parity, similar to the real NFL (suck it, college football), with the third-best team so far (me) actually being only 2-2. 6 of the 10 teams are 2-2 right now, which is crazy. By contrast, my Brown keeper league (dead as a doornail) doesn't have a 2-2 team until the 6th of 12 teams.

I also believe the league has a higher IQ than the average league. I don't really have specific proof of this, no, but I'll use an example from our draft. One of the fantasy greats from years past, LaDainian Tomlinson, has been on the decline last year, especially last year when he finally turned in a performance no longer worthy of a top-3 pick. This year during the summer, as people began to convince themselves more and more, sportswriters started to talk about LDT getting stronger, healthier, healing from the past, being as driven as ever, and how the Chargers were going to run the ball more this year. People started putting him in the range of #3 overall through #7 overall. Our league? #13 overall. Thankfully, I resisted his allure and went for the younger Chris Johnson and a WR. Harriet took homeboy, which wasn't a bad pick at the time, although it hasn't worked out. All the prognosticators forgot a couple things: LDT's getting old. OK that's one thing, but that matters the most. Old running backs can't escape Father Time. It happened to Shaun Alexander (believe me, I've made that mistake), Marshall Faulk, Edge, other guys. It's happening, sadly, to Portis (this year he'll decline, next year he'll probably stink). So what does this story mean? Our league is genius! By contrast for example, this random league I'm in because of my Kolkata teammate had a guy drop Wes Welker last week. Wes Welker! He's only been injured for a few weeks, that's all. So I picked him up off the waiver wire. Now I'm playing the guy who dropped him this week, and I'm starting Welker against him. Awesomeness.

Also, the league has enjoyed some fun with its divisions. Although Molly has criticized it (biggest shocker since it turned out Anakin would turn evil in Revenge of the Sith), I think people have had fun with it. It's been cool to see which division is doing better (so far the NFC side might be winning) and to just have that extra wrinkle. After 4 weeks, the intra-division record has been 2-2, so I play Mark this week to uneven that out. It's on!

Anyway, I thought the best way to organize thoughts might be through power rankings of our 10 teams. Note that I am completely aware of the weird position I am in, ranking a league of people who I am competing against every week. Awkward? Yes. But suck it, team owners! With another nod to Bill Simmons, here are rankings, with tiers and all.

The Jerry Hopkins Division

10. Flaming Romophobes - Khadir (Record: 0-4, 342.10 pts, Division record 0-3). Important players include: Romo, Favre, A. Johnson, Driver, Manningham, H. Ward, Evans, Forte, Barber, J. Stewart, Witten

3 years ago, in my first attempt to start a league for folks from Rice, I was having trouble finding 10 teams. I took a flyer on Jerry Hopkins, who I knew was a big Pats fan. Turns out that was the only football he really knew. Jerry was inattentive all year, not updating his team paying any attention. Then, in a week when Khadir needed a win to make the playoffs, Jerry came out of nowhere with an upset! It was like when those Pac-10 teams knock USC out of the national championship picture. So, it seems appropriate that if Khadir has the worst team of the year so far, we would pay homage to the one, the only, Jerry Hopkins.

Khadir's team gets the last place of this poll on default with his 0-4 record thus far. Also at the current rate, it might be fair to say that his team isn't in the best position. The Romophobes are filled with Cowboys, which has been a problem with the Cowboys not playing so well so far (Khadir's team was in a similar scenario 3 years ago, but that was a much better team too). It's one thing that the team has Romo, Witten, and Barber, but also has been using the Cowboys kicker and defense. Overload! Overload! If this dependence on the Cowboys continues, the Romophobes might fall flatter than Romo in that playoff game against the Seahawks where he fumbled the snap for the winning field goal.

9. Hamstars - Molly (Record: 1-3, 310.98 pts, Division 1-2). Important players include: Adrian Peterson, oops, I mean, Michael Turner, Palmer, Wayne, Welker, Braylon Edwards lol, Portis, Sproles, Hasselbeck, Winslow, Celek

Oh man, I really wanted to give Molly the 10 spot, and he might deserve it, especially because he has the lowest amount of points in the league (about 30 less than Khadir actually), but Khadir does have no wins, and Molly has 1. Ugh. I hate Molly. Did I mention Molly sucks?

It's alright, either way, Molly's in the Jerry Hopkins realm. Cursed for thinking he was clever in picking Michael "I had a lucky season last year with a weak schedule and overuse" Turner, Molly has earned himself an underachieving #1 pick instead of Adrian Peterson, along with curses of injuries of Welker, Portis' old age, and Braylon Edwards being, well, Braylon Edwards. Daniel also continues to have one of the two worst team names of the league. Molly is also holding onto Reggie "There are 3 RBs on this team that would perform well at Fantasy Football before I did" Bush, which is unfortunate.

Finally, it's very important to note that Molly's team icon is currently bordering...nay, way past the verge of creepy as hell. It's an Asian baby crying, with its eyes closed (or is that just supposed to be Liang?) , with a milk bottle, and what appears to be two lollipops behind it. Creepy. Just... creepy.

Bill Simmons Division

8. DoubleDsOnThatBitch - Harriet (Overall Record: 2-2, 358 pts, Division 2-1). Important players: Eli, McNabb, Jennings, Marshall, Holmes, LDT, Westbrook, Cadillac, Tony Gonzalez

So far I've really just followed the order of the standings, and that's kinda how most of these rankings go. It's hard to avoid the standings at this point. But I'm trying to rank the teams based on likelihood of making the playoffs too. We reach the first of 6 teams now that are 2-2 and range from 3rd-8th place in the standings. The DoubleDs bring a great name, but the current reigning champ ain't sitting pretty. Draft disappointments include Slow Willie Parker, LenDale "Tequila was my secret weapon what was i thinking" White, and a somewhat high Pittsburgh defense draft pick. McNabb got injured, Brandon Marshall hasn't reached his potential just yet (if he does), Santonio Holmes hasn't shown much since the first week. The DoubleDs first two picks are also part of the "Old as F" club, with Westbrook showing injuries and LDT showing, well, injuries. Wow that analysis sounded really down. Basically, this team needs some better games after posting 3 games of sub-90-point results.

7. Boston Lemon Party - Peck (2-2, 369.60, Division 1-2). Important players: Warner, Housz, Steve Smith (Car), Peterson, Benson, Frank Gore, Choice, O. Daniels

At first I was gonna put Alex's team here, I think because of all of his complaining and negativity about his team, but I continue the trend of keeping the teams where they oughtta be compared to standings. What do I like about the Lemon Party, other than the name? The strong point is clearly the running game. Peterson obviously, and at a discount with the #2 pick (seriously Molly, what were you thinking!), Gore, who's incredible but sometimes injured and he doesn't have Coffee, and Cedric "Hey look what I can do" Benson. A three-headed monster there. Almost like a lemon party...

Otherwise, Warner still scares me 'cause he's in the same club with LDT and Westbrook, and the WRs have not shown up so far. Also, the team started off great, but the last 2 weeks have been real clunkers, with sub-70-point results. Not a great trend. He started off high but went down real quickly. Almost like a lemon party...

6. McNairInTheShotgun - Alex (2-2, 372.14, Division 1-2). Important players: Brees, Ochocinco, Roddy White, Knox, F. Jackson, Slaton, K Smith, Julius Jones, Cutler, Mendenhall, Carlson

Why is this the Bill Simmons division? Bill Simmons has been complaining recently about not enjoying Fantasy Football and maybe quitting next year. He mentioned it in his column last Friday and talked about it in his weekly podcast with Cousin Sal about NFL stuff. Alex said he agreed with him. To that, I say "Hogwash!". Both Bill and Alex are just complaining because they've been losing and are whining like a bunch of babies. Simmons mentions how he doesn't enjoy rooting for Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin to get however many points in the Monday night game so his team wins, and then be let down. Who cares? Maybe you're let down. It's Fantasy Football. You just take the loss in stride. Besides, if Simmons was doing decent in his leagues he wouldn't be complaining. Don't be a baby! It's a fun game with friends. It's an added angle on the NFL season. A win-win.

Anyway, Alex has been suffering the curse of McNair's ghostly wrath, which is a dilemma because it's such an awesome team name that you can't pick a better one. Alex's WRs are super weak, and his team is likely to have a trade before the week's end, whether with me or someone else. Roddy White has been incredibly disappointing, with Tony G hopping into bed with Matt Ryan faster than you can say Mohamed Massoquoi. Thus, his WRs are pretty lame. Brees has been great. The RBs are plentiful although not necessarily super-exciting. Slaton and K Smith are not the stars so far that one might have hoped they would be, the so-far-awesome Fred Jackson is facing the threat of a timeshare, yeah. Still, it's a plethora that can turn into some trades if Alex is smarter than JP Ricciardi. Or not as stubborn. Ricciardi, you were an idiot! Seriously, no Halladay trade? Really?

Champ BaileyDivision

I don't really have a good name for this division, so I just went with Champ Bailey. He was one of my favorite Skins before being traded, and I still wish we hadn't made that trade just because I was such a fan of Champ. One of the best corners of the decade, and he reminded us of his Redskins past this week with his pwnage of Romo. Nice. So I don't mind randomly paying homage to him here.

5. el luchador - Jaimin (2-2, 392.92, Div. 2-1). Important players include: Rodgers, Santana Moss, Boldin, A. Bryant, Jones-Drew, T. Jones, Hightower, Cooley

Ugh. I'm still following the overall standings placements. How unoriginal. Sorry, that's the way it is. I tried to consider putting Jaimin in front of Ferras, but couldn't do it. Jaimin's team started off 0-2, although it did well in Week 1 and got rocked by a high-scoring opponent. Jaimin put the stops on me in Week 3 though, taking away my 2nd highest point total of the league that week with his highest point total of the league. Great, thanks Jaimin.

Jaimin's team, before we get to his strengths, has two key weaknesses. 1. His team name, super lame. The Wrestler in Spanish? Wow awesome. Too bad this isn't Fantasy Wrestling, which I guess is what happens in Jaimin's dreams every night when he fantasizes about getting pile-drived by The Rock. 2. Jaimin's icon is as weird as Molly's (both have crappy names and icons!). He's supposed to be some wrestler guy, but it just looks like he's the gimp from Pulp Fiction (consequently, during Week 3 he made me feel like Marcellus Wallace in that one scene. Sigh.). Also, Jaimin doesn't have the greatest bench depth, and Boldin and Bryant haven't been the impressive WRs one might have hoped considering their draft positions.

Still, Jaimin's team is getting hot, and he has some blue chippers like Rodgers and Jones-Drew. Nasty stuff. He also finally broke out of his smack talk shell this week, saying "let's tango peckers". Feisty.

4. Ginn and Juice - Ferras (2-2, 403.14, Div 1-2). Important players: Peyton Manning, Roy Williams, S. Smith (NYG), Fitzgerald, Jacobs, R Brown, Shockey, Big Ben, wildcard Lynch, Buckhalter

Ferras' team, despite the terrible fallacy of having a team namesake after a player he no longer has, is getting hot. His team has improved in points every week for 4 weeks. At this rate, he'll win the championship in Week 16 with 300 points total! Yowza!

Ferras has reminded us this year that he is as good of a contender as he was two years ago. Another reminder why last year never happened. His starting lineup looks really strong right now, with Peyton "hey you might not be excited by me but I'll always bring it in fantasy" Manning, Steve Smith, who Ferras actually drafted, dropped, and picked back up, and Ronnie Brown (I had Ronnie the last two years in different leagues. One year he gets injured for the rest of the season, another he explodes for 5 tds one game that I didn't start him and only disappoints for the rest of the season. Needless to say, I hate Ronnie Brown and his family). Roy Williams might not be a great WR3, but he could get better over time. And I still don't think Fitz will earn his #1 overall WR status this year since Boldin isn't gonna get his face jacked up this year. It looks like his bench might not be too strong, but I don't even know anymore. I'm getting tired. I'm moving on to the next team.

3. The Long Johnsons - me (2-2, 451.2, Div 2-2). Important players include: Schaub, Flacco, Calvin Johnson, DeSean Jackson, Colston, Chris Johnson, Pierre Thomas, Ray Rice, Dallas Clark, Garcon, D Brown

I'm not gonna lie, I love my team. I really like my potential and think it's a great team. Still, I'm only 2-2, and I'm two games back in my division, so I won't rate my team any higher than its overall standing position. And I've been beaten by one of the two teams ahead of me. Plus, I don't like the potential karma if I rate myself higher. That being said, I would note that I have the highest point total in the league, 29 points higher than the next guy. Byah!

After a Week 1 major stinker, starting the season off in last place, my team has been bringing it. In Week 2, I had a massacre of a lineup, beating down Khadir's high 100+ points with about 170 points from the Johnsons. Highlights included a WTF week from Chris Johnson with 3tds and 46 pts, about 20 points each from Colston and DeSean, 24 from Dallas Clark, and I didn't even start Schaub over Flacco (a difference of about 20 points). OH YEAH! Of course, the next week, as I mentioned before, I lost to Gimpy with the 2nd highest score in the week. Sigh. I wish I were 3-1. Then this past week, the team performed decent enough.

My weakest point is probably my QBs, since Flacco and Schaub are good and have potential, but they're not as good as the Manning/Brees tier yet. I'm very excited to have Pierre Thomas back, and Dallas Clark has been great. Feel great about my 3 main WRs, especially DeSean's emergence, and hopefully RB Chris Johnson will continue awesomeness. I despise Willis McGahee though, for crippling Ray Rice's potential. This week's game against Mark will be crucial. If I lose, despite my point total so far, I'll be sub-.500. Hopefully that won't happen! But we shall see. We shall see. One final note about my team, I'm hopeful about my now-sleeper Mohamed Massaquoi of the Browns. Sure it might not amount to anything, but with Braylon Edwards traded away, maybe he'll break out! Otherwise, I gave up Beanie Wells' spot for him, so I don't feel so bad about it.

Matthew Berry Division

Matthew Berry's a popular Fantasy Football writer who is pretty enjoyable to read, so I figured I'll pay homage to him here.

2. Slumdoggy Style - Faheem (4-0, 422.9, Div 3-0). Important players: Rivers, Randy Moss, Cotchery, Berrian, Bowe, Steven Jackson, McGahee, Moreno, Gates

1. Hughes Black Cox - Mark (3-1, 404.52, Div 3-0). Important players: Brady, Ryan, V Jackson, Mason, Walter, Sims-Walker, Harvin, DeAngelo, Grant, Coffee, Olsen

Oh no he didn't! I have finally decided to switch teams from their overall standings, and on the top 2 at that! Let the controversy begin. This is more absurd than the BCS every year! But seriously, I weighed the two teams and decided that I would rather take Mark's team at the current moment. Also, who knows, maybe giving Mark the #1 spot will jinx him, and I'll beat him this week. That would be cool.

Why do I prefer Hughes Black Cox over Slumdoggy Style? Can you read that sentence out loud while keeping a straight face?

I didn't think so.

Faheem's team does have the 2nd most points, but his perfect record can also be attributed to his opponents so far; his opponents have averaged only about 70 pts, and a lot of his points came last week, with a skewed point total from the San Fran D. Not to say his team's bad, especially being two games ahead of the division, but I just like Mark's team more. Slumdoggy's WR3 is a little weak, with Bowe disappointing so far, and I'm not buying the stock on McGahee's continued success (partly because I want him to suck so that Rice is better, partly because I just don't see him sustaining the TD success so well over the long run).

Despite Mark's absurd pick of Matt Ryan in Round 3, which I still can't defend, and I think that if he hadn't made it, his team would be better, his team is quite good. His WR depth is strong, with the gem of Vincent Jackson, the surprising Sims-Walker (hey, give some catches to JD why don't ya!), the young Harvin, and the old as f Mason. DeAngelo hasn't been worthy of his Round 1 pick yet, but Mark fortunately has Glen Coffee (hey Peck, I bet you wish you had Coffee) right now, and Ryan Grant is solid. His weak point is TE (shoulda drafted Cooley!). At 3-1, he's also top dog of the AFC Panty-Wearing Pansies, and he's currently top dog of these rankings. For now. W'll see again in 4 weeks. Dum dum dum!...

--

OK, so that's that. What a long entry! Consider it making up for my lack of entries recently. In the next few weeks, I hope to have entries on new TV shows this season that I've been trying out, maybe some thoughts on the Oscars, maybe some thoughts on Korea, and thoughts on why baseball sucks. Who knows! I'll be giving RFC Beast updates every 4 weeks, ending after Week 16 with a season recap. I actually might do one after Week 14, a playoff preview, if I feel like it. Hopefully I'll be in the playoffs at that point. Until next time, Youn out!

Guilty Pleasure... Not-As-Manly Acoustic Covers

For those wondering, which I know is all of you because you love me so much, I haven't been able to blog often because I tend to prefer writing longer posts. Noel says it's because I'm basically writing articles, and he's probably right. Since these articles take so long, it's hard for me to commit to starting/completing them, but I'll try to get one out before Sunday. Why? Let's just say it's... time-sensitive. But it's a doozy.

I was talking with Noel about how I don't want do really do shorter posts about what I'm doing recently and all. That's not my style, yo. Also, with Twitter, I feel like there's even less of a desire for me to write blog posts on recent life. Here's a topic I can write less on though.

I'd just write about an acoustic band I discovered a couple weeks ago, kind of randomly, that I've enjoyed. Sure, it's not the manliest thing in the world, but hey, leave me be. I enjoy my different remixes of music, and sometimes they aren't the Girl Talk-type mashups but the acoustic, stripped versions. And then I sit in a bubble bath with a glass of chardonnay.

I first came across Boyce Avenue around the time that Chris Brown "Forever" wedding dance video came out. You've all seen it. If not, you should check it out. Anyway, after seeing that video, I wanted to check out Chris Brown's original music video (it's OK), and I also came across Boyce's cover of it (I learned how to use links better! Yeah! It only took 3 posts). I like! Think I'm crazy? Check it out first, and then call me crazy. Or call me genius. Yes.

I must say I'm a sucker for these covers. There's the stripped "How Far We've Come" by Matchbox 20, this cool version of Umbrella, the always enjoyable and underrated little song that could, "Landslide" (I'm a sucker for that song, even the Dixie Chicks version is enjoyable).

So yeah, check them out. Try to determine in your opinion just how useful the 2 other brothers are in the group, cause they seem pretty extraneous to me. It's like they were like uh, hey bro, can we ride on your coattails and play percussion instruments in some of your videos? Awesome. I'm gonna go tell mom I'm quitting school. How are they able to sell all their covers on iTunes? Did they have to go through all the copyrights with all that? Your guess is as good as mine. Final note, this acoustic version of "Since U Been Gone" is also enjoyable, and it has another song inside of a song in it too! Oh yeah!

Chicago: The Song, Not the City

After inaugurating my blog with a super sports-nerdy topic, I decided I would try to mix things up right on the 2nd entry, away from a main topic on sports or movies. What do we have instead? Music! Better at that, Sufjan Stevens! For those wondering, as far as I'm aware, the best way to pronounce his first name is Souf-yahn. I also realized halfway through this article that I had difficulty writing about this subject well or humorously... but here we go!

It took some time for me to actually listen to Sufjan Stevens. The first time I heard about him was during my freshman year at Rice, when I heard about a bunch of different artists and thus got a bunch of different albums to check out. With such an influx of music, I didn't get around to listening to all of them, including his music. I probably listened to a little of his Illinois album once during the year, which normally won't hook me into an artist, especially if I am not really paying attention.

This leads us to the summer of 2006, when I watched the Little Miss Sunshine trailer online (see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWyH_twcMl0&feature=fvst). Midway through the trailer, the song Chicago by Sufjan Stevens came on, arguably his most well-known song (it's pretty much no contest, actually), and I was totally entranced. What a magical song, I thought. What song was this? I knew I had heard it somewhere before. After some searching I found out it was Sufjan Stevens, and I also realized that it was already on my iTunes. I began to listen to the album, and a love for his music was born.

I don't want to branch too far from focusing on the song though. Maybe another time I can write more about his music in general or the time I went to his concert in Dallas, and it was the best concert I've ever been to, even greater than that time I went to Woodstock in '69. But Matt, how can you write so much about one song? Easy. There are 4 album versions of the song. And they're all good.

Later in the entry, I will rank the 3 alternate versions of Chicago, but first, I want to talk about the original (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDRrqcZbdPU). You can't beat it, and with good reason. It's just such a good song. For starters, you have the intro, with the xylophone (is it a xylophone? or whatever it is. I never know) and strings leading into the...other instruments that are playing (this is why a music entry is hard for me, I don't know what instruments are playing half the time). You have Sufjan singing about moving around and trying to find a new place, a new home to find hope in, getting away from his past, etc. You have the trumpet throughout the song, with its catchy melody. You got that background vibrato sound from that other instrument I don't know. You have the background chorus stepping in at various points with Sufjan. The part in the bridge where Suf is singing "I've made a lot of mistakes" and the chorus is singing the same phrase in different harmonies just gives me chills. The song has its different waves of louder and softer parts meshing well together. And other stuff that I don't know how to explain. It just has it, man. *

I remember that fall semester, everyone I played that song for thought it was awesome. The main criticism I ever really remember about the song was my friend Elias saying that the trumpet was too tacky for him. But did I mention that Elias is a crack cocaine addict who might have come straight out of The Wire? I think I forgot to mention that earlier.

*Plus, a side note, it is followed up by the powerfully saddening song, Casimir Pulaski Day. Quite a 1-2 punch there, maybe even better than the 1-2 punch of I Want It That Way and Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely on the Backstreet Boys Millenium album. Just kidding. Also, here's an example of what Chicago was like when I saw it in concert. Yes, he wore those wings and his band was that big. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1PUqZyeuAk&feature=related

Now, to explain how there are 3 different versions. After the great Illinois album that Sufjan made, Sufjan made another album, The Avalanche: Outtakes and Extras from the Illinois Album. On it? That's right, 3 different versions of Chicago! Yeah baby! Chi-town what up! The 3 were spread throughout the album, helping to rejuvenate the album at some points where some of the outtakes/extras showed that they weren't on the original album for a reason. All 3 versions bring a new take to the table, although I certainly have different opinions on them.

#3 - Adult Contemporary Easy Listening Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mLSeqNS8rs): This might be the least exciting fresh take* of the Chicagos. Not that it's bad of course. Sufjan could do a scratchy voiced crazy metal version of Chicago, and I would probably still dig it. It's just the least of the 4. Like being the worst player in the Dream Team. You still gotta be good to be on the Dream Team (unless you're Christian Laettner circa 1992). Its strengths? It's relaxing, and it's got some cool voice mixing in the middle-end portion of the song. And it's pleasant sounding, so it's got that going for it. Otherwise, one nice tidbit is that it's technically the longest song of the 4 Chicagos, give or take a few seconds. Good for you, Adult version!

*Bill Simmons' podcast, the B.S. Report, is sponsored by the Subway Fresh Take Hot Line. It's such a goofy sponsor, half the guests make some comment on its silliness. I just think you need to know these things.

#2 - Acoustic Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQU5rY8yjlo): This is definitely a different take. Quite different. Acoustic Chicago ain't your grandma's Chicago. This is even more nicely mellow than the Adult version (I take joy in short handing it like that), and I dig the sublime vocal backgrounds too. I'm also a fan of the stronger presence of the single female "girl power!" voice in this one; it really reminds me of a version you would hear in a talent show/coffee house type of situation. This track provides that opportunity to help folks who want to perform this song but can't do the original version unless they have a massive band in place.

#1 - Multiple Personality Disorder Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7ER-ut8BcI): This one is probably the funkiest of the versions, and I dig it as such. It's got some cool experimental stuff going on, PLUS it's got that crazy trumpet going on still. Awesome! This song is the one version that I have on my iPod shuffle, since it's shorter (clocking in at a [relatively] speedy 4:35, and yeah, I just used parentheses within parentheses!) and more upbeat than the original throughout, although maybe not at the original's peaks.

So there you have it. There's my attempt at a music post. I'm just glad I got through that one alive. Viva Sufjan, and here's hoping he one day releases another studio album.

RFL Beast Draft Diary 2009

Welcome to the first post I've actually gotten around to doing on this blog. I finally got motivated thanks to a topic I very much wanted to attempt. For several years now, Rice-affiliated folk and I have tried Fantasy Football leagues, to varying success. This year, especially with graduation having occured to the majority of the league, the decision was to up the ante fee-wise, make the league itself filled with all quality owners, and try to increase the typical rapport within the draft. We'll see how that goes. Our league is called the RFL Beast, with RFL standing for Rice Football League and Beast paying homage to the NFC East (aka the greatest division in the NFL). So far we've increased the fee from the typical $10 to $20 (and we're even gonna use PayPal!), found 10 solid league members based on past experience (i.e. no Rumph), and had some success with the rapport. We even have two divisions this year, along with a rivalry week. This year's extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme. LEAVE NOTHING!!!

So this post will consist mainly of my draft diary of the events that unfolded during the...draft. Is this pure copying of Bill Simmons past articles? Yes. But hey, it's got a personal spin, whatever! Give me a break, man. It's not like I'm applying for ESPN or something. Anyway, as commissioner, my big goal was to make sure the draft time was a reasonable one for everyone to be able to make and be ready for. After last year's draft-we-shall-not-deem-proper organized by Molly during Advisor Training (really, molly?) that half of the league missed, there needed to be improvement. This year's draft time was the day after Dis-O, in the middle of the afternoon, when our three undergrads (Molly, Peck, and Jaimin) would hopefully have gotten over the events of the night preceding. Harriet and I would suffer in turn, facing draft time starts of 3am and 5am, but hey, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.

The league has certainly tried to raise the bar on team names this year, especially after some initial terrible names (TBA and TBD among them). The names, in draft order, were: 1. Hamstars (Molly's team, of course a lame name), 2. Boston Lemon Party (Peck, with a name referring back to his old team name Cleo Lemon Party. I like it, others are more iffy on it), 3. The Roethlisgropers (Mark), 4. el luchador (Jaimin), 5. McNair InThe Shotgun (Alex, and maybe the #1 name), 6. Victory Formation (Khadir. I really thought it was Harriet's the first time I saw it because it made me think of a cheerleader formation), 7. Hunter Smith (Ferras, honoring a punter not on his team anymore), 8. DoubleDsOnThatBitch (Harriet, maybe #1 or #2 team. Double D!), 9. Shane Falco All-Stars (me. I wasn't crazy about this name, which is a The Replacements reference to Keanu Reeves' character, but I hadn't thought of anything better), and 10. Slumdoggy Style (Faheem Patel).

The draft order was randomized by Yahoo 30 minutes before the draft. In a year where the #1 pick is a clear consensus of Adrian Peterson, Molly attains the fortunate slot. I mean, really, there's no question that Peterson is the #1 pick. Only an idiot would pick anyone else. Like, no question. Literally couldn't be an easier pick. In the 9 slot, I'm not crazy about my situation considering my 3rd round pick probably will be a tier below the elite players. There's gonna be some dropoff.

Along with the draft chat room within the draft program that Yahoo has online, Mark, Faheem, Harriet, and I are in a Skype conference call. And Harriet is drunk. On a Sunday night. It's 3am in the morning in 'Nam. How is she drunk and awake for this? Amazing. This might be more impressive than her championship performance in last year's season-that-we-shall-not-speak-of. WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS, PEOPLE! NEVER HAPPENED. *From now on, I will use arbitrarily-estimated times to mark the diary events.

4:50am (Seoul time): Khadir lets us all know that he's drafting two leagues at the same time. That's great, Khadir. Oh what's that, you're gonna remind us about this several times during the draft? Awesome. I'm gonna shoot myself now. Or as some might say, Plaxico myself. Rumors on the Skypeline suggest that Molly might not take Peterson. Absurd! This is like suggesting that Favre is going to retire for real. It can't be true! Alex says he's stripping whenever a bengal, texan, or former owl is picked. Considering he doesn't have a webcam, this doesn't really do much for me. I mean, not like I'm interested or anything...what?

5am - Round 1 here we go! Molly is on. And with the first pick of the RFL Beast, Hamstars pick...........Adria...Michael Turner. Uh. Did this just happen? I'm stunned. OK, not really, because I'm laughing and making fun of Molly, but same thing. This is worse than the year Molly took Shawn Marion #1 overall in the NBA league and Marion fell apart and got traded to the Heat. OHhhhhhhh Molly. Amazing. It's alright Molly, people probably thought it was a good idea to pick Larry Johnson #1 in 2007, too. We start the draft off with what might be the worst pick in the top 5 rounds. Or so I think...(this is foreshadowing). Despite all our mockeries, Molly doesn't write a thing on the chat board. Very smart, I'm already caving in to his stonewall of silence.

5:04 - Peck gets up from his knees to get the gift that Molly has exchanged to him: Adrian Peterson. Man, Peck is one lucky son of a gun. This is followed by Mark taking DeAngelo Williams over his homeboy Maurice "Mojo" Jones Drew, although DeAngelo is solid and is also the name of one of my favorite The Wire characters. Oh D! DeAngelo had a major breakout season last year when he went on a TD melee. I make fun of Jaimin for not starting him against me in the playoffs; he claims he did. This is really a moot point. But Jaimin's wrong. Hymen takes Mojo, and Alex pulls a surprise with Steve Slaton. I would make fun of this pick more for being 7 picks early except I actually like Slaton a lot. But this also hints that Alex is just making picks so that he can make himself strip. Khadir "I'm a multitasker" takes Matt Forte, Ferras takes the first WR, Larry Fitz at 7.

5:10 - Then, Harriet freaks out on the skypeline. "Guys, I can't draft! How do I draft?" "Uhhhhh Harriet there's a button right there that says 'draft.'" Harriet: "I don't see it! Where is it!" After about a minute of this, Harriet finally gets out of her drunken stupor and selects Brian "I ruin fantasy playoff teams with my selflessness" Westbrook. Enjoy Westbrook lateral-ing to Vick with a couple yards to go to the endzone because he wants to see Vick score a TD. This leaves me with Chris Johnson, my board's 6th highest rated player, at the 9 pick. Sweetness! Sure, Lendale White, his running parter, might have slimmed up in the offseason by stopping his daily doses of tequila, but CJ is speedy and money on a run-first team. Gotta like him. This also opens the door to what I thought would be highly unlikely before the draft: Getting two Johnsons without reaching for them on my team. In that situation, I wouldn't be able to deny the desire to name my team "The Long Johnsons". Hopefully Faheem won't ruin my hopes.

5:14 - Nope! Faheem Kapoor takes Steven Jackson and Randy Moss back-to-back, opening the door to me taking Calvin Johnson. The Long Johnsons are born! I'm all sorts of excited about this opportunity. I feel good about this team already, even without picking anyone else. Alex mocks me, saying, "a lion?". Hey, Calvin could get TD catches even if JT Shep were his NFL qb. He's that good.

5:15 - Harriet takes Tomlinson with the 13 pick. Shockingly, LDT fell out of the 1st round in our league. Some leagues have him as high as #2-5. I probably would have taken him if I didn't want to make sure I had a WR. Fascinating. Drunk Harriet might be onto something... Jacobs, Andre Johnson, Drew Brees all go by. Jaimin takes Anquan "I can't feel my face!" Boldin a little earlier than most would with the 17 pick. Boldin ahead of Steve Smith and Roddy? Eh...then again, this is a man who would survive a smackdown from the Terminator and come back the next game for 100 yards. He's also a man that can literally do DeShawn Stevenson's celebration.

5:18 - Brady by Mark and Gore by Peck follow, leading us back to Molly. With all this time between picks, Molly have some idea of what he's doing, right? NOPE. Molly takes the clock down to the wire on both picks before taking Clinton Portis and Reggie Wayne. He also still hasn't written a thing on the draft board, and he isn't on skypeline where he could hear our anti-Semitic jokes. I mean, what? But he's really getting to me. Molly's silence is so powerful, I think he's convinced me that Michael Turner is the greatest running back since Jim Brown.

5:27, after Molly taking longer than it takes him to shave his chest hair - Round 3: Peck takes Steve Smith. Mark says on skypeline that he knows he'll be made fun of for this pick, but he's gonna do it anyway. I figure it's some random reach like Pierre Thomas or Jason Witten or something. The Roethlisgropers take.........Matt Ryan.

(pause)

(did he do that on purpose? yeah? yeah? we're sure about this?)

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAaaa man.

Although Ryan is certainly a fine QB, and a great one in real life, his average round was the 8th round. Mark could have taken him in the 5th round, and it would have been surprising. But the 3rd round? After already taking Brady? Fantastic. Molly, you are now off the hook. Let the "I really need a QB, Mark, let me trade my first two picks for Matt Ryan" jokes begin! I would note that after the draft, Mark changed his team name to "I am retarded". Nice.

5:30 - At some point by the way, Ferras has joined us on Skype. I tried multiple times to be the one to invite him to the conference call with horrible failure until I realized that I couldn't do it because I wasn't the host of the call. D'oh. Anyway, Aaron Rodgers, Roddy White, and Marion Barber go. I'm very worried that I won't get a top-tier QB or WR. Only Peyton and Jennings are left in that tier for me, and there are two picks ahead of me. Ferras goes homer and takes Peyton, and drunk Harriet is up. She's a wildcard! She could do anything! She takes...Greg Jennings, the easy top pick left. Nooooooooooooooooooo...I feel crappy. Now I gotta go on trust and hope. Marques Colston it is. Colston has been exceptional every other year, and he was meh last year, so hopefully this is the year. As long as the bastard stays healthy. Faheem Dayal takes Dwayne "the next Braylon Edwards" Bowe and Phillip Rivers. I point out that for the last 2 days, Yahoo Fantasy Sports has had its main story about Bowe dropping passes and dropping in the rankings. I also realize that he's on my keeper team.

5:31 - We're in Round 4 by the way. Oh gee I'm up again. Now I'm worried. I could take Pierre Thomas and deal with the unwelcome situation of having multiple fantasy guys from the same team. I really don't want Ronnie Brown after having him the last two years to unenjoyable results. He's really just crushed my spirits both years with injuries and inconsistent play. I want Kevin Smith even less considering that would mean I would have two Lions in my team's top 4 picks. Oh gosh, oh gosh. Alright, I'm going with the frenchie! I now have two saints and two johnsons. There's a joke in there somewhere. Molly's silence has now convinced me that I should trade me top 4 picks to him for Michael Turner.

After the first 3 rounds, things are a little less exciting, so we'll bounce around a little for the highlights.

5: 34 - Round 4, Pick 5: Khadir takes Tony Romo. He now has Barber and Romo. WHAT A HOMER. I'm surprised he never got confused and took TO. At pick 6, Alex takes Kevin Smith. "a lion?" I say. Oh man I got him good. Peck takes Warner with pick 9. Of course. "See you in the finals," Peck says. Yeah. We'll see you in the finals. The CONSOLATION finals. Ohhhhhhhhh...

5:38 - Round 5: Oh man, the first TE rush is coming. I can feel it in the air. I really wanna see all 4 top-TEs get taken in a row. That is, if that row includes me. We get to the middle of the round to Khadir, and the tension is palpable. All the really good RB/WRs are gone, and the TEs are staring Khadir right in the face. With Cowgirls TE Witten as the top TE ranked, Khadir is in an internal struggle. "witten is right there, mocking me." Is he gonna do it? Don't do it Khadir! Don't do it! Of course, he does it, to the jeers of HOMER and uh, homer. Ferras declines the TE option to take Roy Williams away from Khadir's evil hand, leaving Harriet to take Tony Gonzalez. Gonzalez reminds me of Mariano Rivera, for his consistency, his niche position, and his hispanicness.

5:41 - In the first of several situations where I bank on Faheem Singh doing one thing (in this case, hoping he wouldn't stupidly take two TEs for whatever reason in my scared mind), I opt for my third WR in DeSean Jackson. Of course, Mr. Gandhi only takes one of the 2 top TEs left, going with Antonio Gates and rookie RB Knowshon Moreno (great name, not so crazy about his potential in Denver), leaving me the final top TE, mr. Dallas Clark. Honestly, I wonder if I shoulda just snagged Gates and his upside when I had the chance, but Clark will do. Uh, I'm starting to regret this now that I revisit the situation... let's just move on.

5:44 - Khadir gripes about still drafting in two leagues. How effin' long is this other draft? I ask Khadir if he wants to elaborate on his trail of tears of drafting twice. Alex lols. That must mean everyone did, even Molly! I broke him of his silence, I know it! Alex takes a Bengal, Chad Ochocinco, proving that he just wants to have an excuse to strip naked in front of his new roommate. "It's cool, man, I have to do this because of the draft, I swear!" Khadir still names his team Ocho Cinco De Mayo later on despite not having the guy, but it's a much better team name than what he had.

5:48 - With Round 6, Pick 9, Peck takes Darren McFadden. On a side note, I write on the draft board "LIANG PUT MOLLY DOWN". That was probably one of my better insults of the day... Molly takes forever again. At this point, his silence has gotten to us so badly that he has convinced us that we should all donate $1000 minimum each to his Birmingham synogogue. Damn he's good. At this point, Harriet really wants to go to sleep, but we're not really close to done yet. Odds on Harriet making it through the draft? 50%? 60%? This is the kind of thing you wish was on centsports so that Molly and Peck could bet 20 cents on it.

Hey, remember when Mark took Matt Ryan? Just checking. Hilarious.

5:54 - Round 7 arrives, and we have another tight end run! Gotta love the runs. Not the bathroom kind. Starting with Peck, we have Owen Daniels, Greg Olsen, Chris (my man!) Cooley, and John Carlson. That's a murderer's row of potential right there. I finally land a QB at pick 9 of the round with Matt Schaub of the Texans. Will like it if he is healthy. After not being able to grab a top-tier QB, I'm OK with him at this point though. I also took Schaub here under the impression that Faheem wouldn't take Derrick Ward with his next two picks. He even said on Skype that he didn't really like him.

5:55 - Faheem takes Derrick Ward. "I lied to you about not liking Derrick Ward!" FAHEEEEEEM! KHANNNNNNN! Although hoodwinked, you gotta move on, so despite losing the potential Michael Turner of this season, I turn to Chris Wells, the Arizona rookie. In hindsight, apparently he's losing the battle to Tim Hightower. Oops. At least he was one of 3 backup RBs I got anyway, along with Ray Rice and Donald Brown. One of those has to pan out, right? Right???

6:00-6:15 - The draft really starts to hit a lull here. The chat room is pretty silent; even our Skypeline is talking less. Harriet is probably asleep. Molly's silence has broken me into freeing the Indian people from their British colonial oppression.

6:20 - We'll skip to Round 11. In a whatever pick at this point, Ferras takes Josh Morgan from San Fran. It's Harriet's turn. She's not really doing anything. We ask her what her plan is on the skypeline. No answer. A minute's gone by. Harriet? Harriet you there? Harriet? SHE WAS ASLEEP. DRUNK GIRL WAS PASSED OUT ON HER LAPTOP. Harriet wakes up in time to grab an RB, but what's happened has happened. Classic times in the RFL Beast.

6:25 - Ferras takes another whatever pick of Ted Ginn Jr. I was fine with it at that point, but here's a funny comment from Alex after showing dislike: "you'd have done better picking ted ginn sr." Heyo! Later in the round, Jaimin takes the first kicker in Round 12, Stephen Gostkowski. We remember the time Mark drafted a kicker in the 9th round, and Mark reminds us that he won that year. Great. He's gonna turn Matt Ryan into a championship, isn't he? British wanker.

6:35 - Khadir is shocked to discover that yes, Harriet really did fall asleep. No, that was not a joke. Khadir realizes that we've been on Skype this whole time and wants to join us. Uh, Khadir, we mentioned that we were on Skype several times during the draft chat room.

6:40 - In the final round. Not much to see here. Oh heyo! In the midst of random final grabs and kickers, Alex takes Jarrett "JARRETT DILLARD" Dillard. Now he's just pushing it, but it's good to know we got an Owl on a roster, at least for now. We end the draft with Faheem's pick of Mr. Irrelevant of the draft, David Akers, and Molly's silence convinces us all to send him trade proposals of our top picks for his kicker and defense.

Looking at my roster, I'm pretty satisfied with the draft. I certainly felt better prepared this year, and I feel better about my depth than I usually do. My players drafted, in draft order, were: Chris Johnson, Calvin Johnson, Marques Colston, Pierre Thomas, DeSean Jackson, Dallas Clark, Matt Schaub, Chris Wells, Ray Rice, Donnie Avery, Domenik Hixon, Donald Brown, David Garrard, New York Jets D, and Nate Kaeding. I got 2 solid RB starters with 3 potential good backups, 3 good WR starters, a solid TE, and a potential breakout QB. And I got the Johnsons. I feel good about it. We'll see what happens in the first week against Faheem Parikh, though. I would write about the other teams, but I just want to sleep now. Maybe next time.

Thanks for reading, if you've actually made it this far. I'll be shocked if you have. I promise my next entry will be far shorter.